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Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 788831 times)

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4815 on: January 16, 2019, 09:17:52 AM »
Quote from: Barman on January 16, 2019, 08:26:54 AM
LL asked if she could have some peace and quiet while she cooked dinner last night...


...so I took the battery out of the smoke alarm! happy001
happy001 happy001
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Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4816 on: January 16, 2019, 10:16:44 AM »
Sad but true  noooo:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4817 on: January 16, 2019, 08:55:34 PM »
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'
The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'
The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .
The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,

'Your house!
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4818 on: January 16, 2019, 09:02:04 PM »
Quote from: Just One More on January 16, 2019, 08:55:34 PM
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2 hours.'
The guy left.

A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'
The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half .
The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey, Bob, do me a favour , follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.'

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said,

'Your house!
lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4819 on: January 18, 2019, 09:33:13 PM »
It’s three months since I sent my hearing aid away for repair… and I haven’t heard anything since
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4820 on: January 18, 2019, 09:38:20 PM »
Quote from: Just One More on January 18, 2019, 09:33:13 PM
It’s three months since I sent my hearing aid away for repair… and I haven’t heard anything since
happy001
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4821 on: January 19, 2019, 06:12:03 AM »
Quote from: Steve on January 18, 2019, 09:38:20 PM
Quote from: Just One More on January 18, 2019, 09:33:13 PM
It’s three months since I sent my hearing aid away for repair… and I haven’t heard anything since
happy001
happy001 happy001
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4822 on: January 19, 2019, 09:47:14 AM »
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4823 on: January 19, 2019, 04:06:46 PM »
A MARRIED IRISHMAN WENT INTO THE CONFESSIONAL AND SAID TO HIS PRIEST, 'I ALMOST HAD AN AFFAIR WITH ANOTHER WOMAN.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'... The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.' The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in...
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4824 on: January 20, 2019, 01:29:08 PM »
Elsewhere, Diane Abbott is accusing QT presenter of not being properly briefed.

Abbott commented “I counted Fiona Bruce’s mistakes. She made four-tenty. You could employ a battleship of police officers with that much”.

happy001

Clicky...
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4825 on: January 21, 2019, 06:43:03 AM »
"Sorry I'm late home" I said as I arrived home from work.

"Some bloke lost a £20 note in Morrisons"

"Aww were you helping him look for it?" Said my wife.

"No, I was fucking standing on it"
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4826 on: January 21, 2019, 07:09:40 AM »
Quote from: Just One More on January 21, 2019, 06:43:03 AM
"Sorry I'm late home" I said as I arrived home from work.

"Some bloke lost a £20 note in Morrisons"

"Aww were you helping him look for it?" Said my wife.

"No, I was fucking standing on it"

happy001
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4827 on: January 21, 2019, 12:51:36 PM »
Quote from: Barman on January 21, 2019, 07:09:40 AM
Quote from: Just One More on January 21, 2019, 06:43:03 AM
"Sorry I'm late home" I said as I arrived home from work.

"Some bloke lost a £20 note in Morrisons"

"Aww were you helping him look for it?" Said my wife.

"No, I was fucking standing on it"

happy001
lol: lol: lol:
« Last Edit: January 21, 2019, 12:57:54 PM by Steve »
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4828 on: January 23, 2019, 04:39:56 PM »
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look at the window.

If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in........
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4829 on: January 23, 2019, 04:45:27 PM »
Quote from: Steve on January 23, 2019, 04:39:56 PM
Since the snow came, all the wife has done is look at the window.

If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in........

 lol: lol: lol:
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