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Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 788783 times)

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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4830 on: January 23, 2019, 07:16:23 PM »
A Red Indian introduced me to his stunning wife.

"This is Four Horses " he said by way of an introduction to her.

"Wow , thats a beautiful name what does it mean ? " I said to him

"Fucking nag,nag,nag,nag " of course
Skubber

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4831 on: January 23, 2019, 07:21:53 PM »
A Red Indian introduced me to his stunning wife.

"This is Four Horses " he said by way of an introduction to her.

"Wow , thats a beautiful name what does it mean ? " I said to him

"Fucking nag,nag,nag,nag " of course

 lol: lol: lol:
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Online Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4832 on: January 23, 2019, 07:59:02 PM »
A Red Indian introduced me to his stunning wife.

"This is Four Horses " he said by way of an introduction to her.

"Wow , thats a beautiful name what does it mean ? " I said to him

"Fucking nag,nag,nag,nag " of course

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Online Nick

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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4834 on: January 25, 2019, 08:28:23 AM »
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Online Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4835 on: January 25, 2019, 11:18:02 AM »
Girlfriend sends a text to her boyfriend (if your sleeping send me your dreams, if your laughing send me your smile, if you are crying send me your tear drops.)

Bloke responds (I'm having a shit, what do I do???????????)
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4836 on: January 25, 2019, 11:19:00 AM »
Girlfriend sends a text to her boyfriend (if your sleeping send me your dreams, if your laughing send me your smile, if you are crying send me your tear drops.)

Bloke responds (I'm having a shit, what do I do???????????)

 lol: lol: lol:
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Online Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4837 on: January 25, 2019, 07:52:44 PM »
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, " Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ? "
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie..
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down
The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'
The rabbit looks aghast.
The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent...
The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
-----
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar..
The barman says, 'Who are you?',
To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'The rabbit says, 'Yes I know..' The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it..
The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
'I DIED', said the rabbit.
'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause, the rabbit said... 'Mixin-me-toasties.'
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4838 on: January 25, 2019, 07:55:34 PM »
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, " Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ? "
The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie..
The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed.
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down
The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...'
The rabbit looks aghast.
The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent...
The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
-----
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar..
The barman says, 'Who are you?',
To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'The rabbit says, 'Yes I know..' The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it..
The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
'I DIED', said the rabbit.
'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause, the rabbit said... 'Mixin-me-toasties.'

 lol: lol: lol:
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Online Nick

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Offline Barman

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Online Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4841 on: January 26, 2019, 11:15:51 AM »
  eeek: eeek:

lol: lol: lol:


One has to wonder, what was Nick searching for to find that?

Well, whatever, nevermind

Online Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4842 on: January 26, 2019, 11:46:51 AM »
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts.
Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 64 years old. I only get an erection once a week. I fart 35 times a day!"
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4843 on: January 26, 2019, 12:17:36 PM »
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts.
Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 64 years old. I only get an erection once a week. I fart 35 times a day!"

 lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4844 on: January 26, 2019, 12:18:43 PM »
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts.
Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 64 years old. I only get an erection once a week. I fart 35 times a day!"

 lol:

lol: lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie