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Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 788715 times)

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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4845 on: January 26, 2019, 12:43:55 PM »
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts.
Within minutes, a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam-room toward him, 'Did you call for me?' says the hairy man.
"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 64 years old. I only get an erection once a week. I fart 35 times a day!"

 lol:

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4846 on: January 26, 2019, 05:41:30 PM »
An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".
The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4847 on: January 26, 2019, 06:50:19 PM »
An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".
The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."

lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4848 on: January 26, 2019, 07:09:41 PM »
An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results."
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says, "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked 2 more times and after eating them again the owner says, "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?".
The Irishman then said, "Look in the Englishman's pockets."

happy001
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4849 on: January 27, 2019, 09:59:35 PM »
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4850 on: January 28, 2019, 05:51:54 AM »
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4851 on: January 28, 2019, 08:57:06 AM »
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4852 on: January 28, 2019, 11:30:47 AM »
I mostly despair

Offline Nick

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4853 on: January 30, 2019, 04:26:31 PM »
From Pasties. Dodgy law firm  noooo:

https://www.wrighthassall.co.uk/
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4854 on: January 30, 2019, 07:01:22 PM »
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4855 on: January 30, 2019, 07:02:11 PM »
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4856 on: January 30, 2019, 07:02:19 PM »
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4857 on: January 30, 2019, 07:02:42 PM »
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4858 on: February 02, 2019, 09:52:56 PM »
With the conditions being as awful as they are, I thought I’d visit my 90 year old neighbour and ask if she needed anything from the shop.

Turns out she did, so I gave her my list too, no point in both of us going out in this weather.
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #4859 on: February 02, 2019, 09:56:32 PM »
With the conditions being as awful as they are, I thought I’d visit my 90 year old neighbour and ask if she needed anything from the shop.

Turns out she did, so I gave her my list too, no point in both of us going out in this weather.
lol: lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind