Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

WARNING.
If you receive a Email with the subject line, "Two free tickets for the next Scotland home game".
DON'T OPEN IT.
It contains two free tickets for the next Scotland home game.

[Barman]

WARNING.
If you receive a Email with the subject line, "Two free tickets for the next Scotland home game".
DON'T OPEN IT.
It contains two free tickets for the next Scotland home game.

 

[Just One More]

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh Simon ,"she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time!"

[Barman]

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh Simon ,"she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time!"

 

[Steve]

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh Simon ,"she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time!"

 

[Uncle Mort]

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh Simon ,"she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time!"

 

[Nick]

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh Simon ,"she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time!"

 

 

[Darwins Selection]

My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh Simon ,"she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time!"

 

[Steve]

Paddy and Mick are on holiday and are running out of money when they see a sign that reads:
"Spend 10 minutes in a room with a million flies and earn £500".
So Mick goes in first and spends 1 minute in the room before running out yelling "F--- that, I can't breathe, them f-----' flies are in my mouth!" ..."You'll never do it Paddy"...
Paddy says, "No sweat, Mick, get me in there"
So Paddy goes in and spends the full 10 minutes in the room then comes out.
Mick says, "Frickin' hell Paddy!! How the heck did ya do that?"
Paddy says "Easy Mick, I done a shit in one corner and sat in the other!".

[Just One More]

Paddy and Mick are on holiday and are running out of money when they see a sign that reads:
"Spend 10 minutes in a room with a million flies and earn £500".
So Mick goes in first and spends 1 minute in the room before running out yelling "F--- that, I can't breathe, them f-----' flies are in my mouth!" ..."You'll never do it Paddy"...
Paddy says, "No sweat, Mick, get me in there"
So Paddy goes in and spends the full 10 minutes in the room then comes out.
Mick says, "Frickin' hell Paddy!! How the heck did ya do that?"
Paddy says "Easy Mick, I done a shit in one corner and sat in the other!".

    

[Steve]

I got chatting with a girl in a bar last night, "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.”
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a Cider please.”
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out.".....

[Barman]

I got chatting with a girl in a bar last night, "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.”
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a Cider please.”
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out.".....

 

[Just One More]

I got chatting with a girl in a bar last night, "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Don't you have a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends.”
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a Cider please.”
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.
While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out.".....

 

 

[apc2010]

This year we could possibly see the end of May before the end of April........

[Barman]

This year we could possibly see the end of May before the end of April........

 

Apey!