Fresh from the Inbox

[Nick]

See also Tommy Cooper

[Barman]

I just had the police at my door, they showed me a picture and asked if this is your wife.
I said yes and they said they were sorry but it looks like she has been hit by a bus.
I said I know but she’s good with the kids.

 

[Steve]

See also Tommy Cooper

if he posted it here then you can say Affs

[apc2010]

See also Tommy Cooper

if he posted it here then you can say Affs

 

[The Moan Ranger]

Ha!

[Barman]

Ha!

   

[Steve]

Ha!

   

[Steve]

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship --
all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Ladies Bowls Club – ‘The Late Bloomers’ decided on this
"all-girls" trip. It will be my first one - and I can't wait!
----------------------------- --------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2
Entire day at sea, so beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins.
Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3
At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.
The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.
Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
Won £800 in the ship's Casino. The Captain asked me to have dinner with
him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar
and champagne.
He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful
to my husband.
------------------------------ --------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
Pool again today. Got really sunburned, and I went inside for a drink at the
piano-bar and to cool down; stayed there for rest of day. The Captain saw me,
bought me several large drinks. Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit
his cabin for the night. Again, I declined.
He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship...
I was shocked
. ------------------------------ --------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today I saved 2600 lives.
Twice ...... ..

[Barman]

DEAR DIARY - DAY 1
All packed for the cruise ship --
all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting.
Our local Ladies Bowls Club – ‘The Late Bloomers’ decided on this
"all-girls" trip. It will be my first one - and I can't wait!
----------------------------- --------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 2
Entire day at sea, so beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins.
Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 3
At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck.
The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner.
Felt honored and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 4
Won £800 in the ship's Casino. The Captain asked me to have dinner with
him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar
and champagne.
He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful
to my husband.
------------------------------ --------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 5
Pool again today. Got really sunburned, and I went inside for a drink at the
piano-bar and to cool down; stayed there for rest of day. The Captain saw me,
bought me several large drinks. Really is quite charming. Again asked me to visit
his cabin for the night. Again, I declined.
He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship...
I was shocked
. ------------------------------ --------------------------------------------------
DEAR DIARY - DAY 6
Today I saved 2600 lives.
Twice ...... ..

 

[Steve]

I called my mate last night for a drink. He said he was working on a special project,
Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment.

Boy was I impressed,

but he told me later he was doing the washing up in warm water under the supervision of his wife.

[Barman]

I called my mate last night for a drink. He said he was working on a special project,
Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment.

Boy was I impressed,

but he told me later he was doing the washing up in warm water under the supervision of his wife.

 

[Just One More]

I called my mate last night for a drink. He said he was working on a special project,
Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment.

Boy was I impressed,

but he told me later he was doing the washing up in warm water under the supervision of his wife.

 

 

[Darwins Selection]

I called my mate last night for a drink. He said he was working on a special project,
Aqua thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminium and steel under a constrained environment.

Boy was I impressed,

but he told me later he was doing the washing up in warm water under the supervision of his wife.

 

 

[Steve]

My uncle just text me and asked me. What does IDK mean?
I said, "I  don't  know."
He said,
"Nobody seems to know!"

[Uncle Mort]

Reminds me of "Who's on first"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTcRRaXV-fg