Disgusterous

Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 790884 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5265 on: September 24, 2019, 03:45:43 AM »
Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella...

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella...?

Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round, I was fucking skint"...

Barman says, "12 pints of anything in here costs about the same"...

Bloke replies, "Skint's My Dog"..

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5266 on: September 24, 2019, 10:26:36 AM »
Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stella...

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stella...?

Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stella last night and when I came round, I was fucking skint"...

Barman says, "12 pints of anything in here costs about the same"...

Bloke replies, "Skint's My Dog"..

 lol: lol: lol:

 lol: lol: lol: lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5267 on: September 28, 2019, 03:26:21 PM »
President Trump is walking from the White House to his limousine, while out of nowhere, an assassin takes aim at him.
The Vice President quickly, without much thought, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This catches the assassin off guard and he is then captured. Later, Trump asks the Vice President, "What on earth made you go "Mickey Mouse"?!" to which the Vice President responds, "Sorry, I got confused. I meant to shout "Donald, Duck!"
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5268 on: September 28, 2019, 04:54:17 PM »
President Trump is walking from the White House to his limousine, while out of nowhere, an assassin takes aim at him.
The Vice President quickly, without much thought, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This catches the assassin off guard and he is then captured. Later, Trump asks the Vice President, "What on earth made you go "Mickey Mouse"?!" to which the Vice President responds, "Sorry, I got confused. I meant to shout "Donald, Duck!"

 ;D
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Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5269 on: September 28, 2019, 05:40:24 PM »
President Trump is walking from the White House to his limousine, while out of nowhere, an assassin takes aim at him.
The Vice President quickly, without much thought, shouts "Mickey Mouse!" This catches the assassin off guard and he is then captured. Later, Trump asks the Vice President, "What on earth made you go "Mickey Mouse"?!" to which the Vice President responds, "Sorry, I got confused. I meant to shout "Donald, Duck!"

 ;D
;D ;D
I mostly despair

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5270 on: September 28, 2019, 11:33:08 PM »
Interviewer: What would you consider one of your strengths........?

Me: I can perform under pressure........

Interviewer: Can you give me an example.......?

Me: *deep breath*

♪Mm ba ba de,
Um bum ba de,
Um bu bu bum da de

PRESSURE, pushing down on me...  Thumbs:

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5271 on: September 29, 2019, 04:15:47 AM »
Interviewer: What would you consider one of your strengths........?

Me: I can perform under pressure........

Interviewer: Can you give me an example.......?

Me: *deep breath*

♪Mm ba ba de,
Um bum ba de,
Um bu bu bum da de

PRESSURE, pushing down on me...  Thumbs:

facepalm:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5272 on: September 29, 2019, 08:35:31 AM »
Interviewer: What would you consider one of your strengths........?

Me: I can perform under pressure........

Interviewer: Can you give me an example.......?

Me: *deep breath*

♪Mm ba ba de,
Um bum ba de,
Um bu bu bum da de

PRESSURE, pushing down on me...  Thumbs:

facepalm:
facepalm: facepalm:
Well, whatever, nevermind




Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5276 on: October 02, 2019, 10:04:53 PM »
Parking officers funeral

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at the parking officers funeral, A voice from inside screams " I'm not dead! I'm not dead! Let me out!"
The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air in through his teeth and mutters
"Too f**king late pal, already done the paperwork."
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5277 on: October 03, 2019, 04:11:41 AM »
Parking officers funeral

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at the parking officers funeral, A voice from inside screams " I'm not dead! I'm not dead! Let me out!"
The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air in through his teeth and mutters
"Too f**king late pal, already done the paperwork."

 lol: lol: lol:
Pro Skub  Thumbs:

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5278 on: October 03, 2019, 08:06:22 AM »
Parking officers funeral

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at the parking officers funeral, A voice from inside screams " I'm not dead! I'm not dead! Let me out!"
The vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air in through his teeth and mutters
"Too f**king late pal, already done the paperwork."

 lol: lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5279 on: October 03, 2019, 10:00:15 AM »
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Aer lingus" was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Aer Lingus?" exclaimed the hairdresser." That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to me .
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Aer Lingus's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to Premier Class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a multi million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"
He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"
Well, whatever, nevermind