Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer's.
I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife.
Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago.
I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.

But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.

[Just One More]

I am not a gambling man............




but I think there's a fair chance Australia will retain the Ashes this year...........

 


 

 

[Just One More]

My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer's.
I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife.
Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago.
I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.

But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.

[Just One More]

Wife just phoned hubby and the conversation went like this :-

Her: "You know that Gladiator movie that I got you for Xmas..???

Him: "Yeah."

Her: "Wind it forward One Hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds."

Him: "Right, I've done that"..

Her: "Okay, you see the Gladiator at the front Fighting the Lion"..???

Him: "I can see that, yeah."

Her: "Just behind him, there are two Gladiators having a Sword Fight with each other"..??

Him: Okay, I see them."

Her: "Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the Screen, there's a Gladiator holding a Spear"..???

Him: "Yes...! I can see him"..

Her: Right..!

"Those are the Sandals, I want for my Birthday".

[Barman]

Wife just phoned hubby and the conversation went like this :-

Her: "You know that Gladiator movie that I got you for Xmas..???

Him: "Yeah."

Her: "Wind it forward One Hour, 16 mins and 28 seconds."

Him: "Right, I've done that"..

Her: "Okay, you see the Gladiator at the front Fighting the Lion"..???

Him: "I can see that, yeah."

Her: "Just behind him, there are two Gladiators having a Sword Fight with each other"..??

Him: Okay, I see them."

Her: "Well, behind them two, on the left hand side of the Screen, there's a Gladiator holding a Spear"..???

Him: "Yes...! I can see him"..

Her: Right..!

"Those are the Sandals, I want for my Birthday".

 

[apc2010]

A recent survey says that the first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss.


 


It's true. I still remember mine: a old banger that stank of piss...........






Can't think what the f%cking car was though...............

[Barman]

A recent survey says that the first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss.


 


It's true. I still remember mine: a old banger that stank of piss...........






Can't think what the f%cking car was though...............

[Just One More]

A recent survey says that the first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss.


 


It's true. I still remember mine: a old banger that stank of piss...........






Can't think what the f%cking car was though...............

[Steve]

Sex After Death.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die and, true to his word, he made the first contact:

"Chris, Christine, can you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course" I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Christine, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Scotland.

[Barman]

Sex After Death.
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die and, true to his word, he made the first contact:

"Chris, Christine, can you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course" I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Christine, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Scotland.

 

[apc2010]

 

[Barman]

 

[Darwins Selection]

 

[Steve]

 

 

[apc2010]

 

 

WARNING..some people on FB find this offensive..........