Disgusterous

Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 792736 times)

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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5745 on: March 21, 2020, 01:54:50 PM »
A man tells his wife that he’s going out to buy cigarettes.

When he gets to the store he finds out it’s closed.

So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine.

While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl.

He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he’s in this girl’s apartment and having quite a pleasurable time.

The next thing he know it was 4:00 AM.

“Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!” he exclaimed.

“Quick give me some talcum powder!”

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands.

When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she’s furious.

“Where the hell have you been" !!

He says, “Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her.”

“Let me see your hands!” she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands....




“Damn liar, you were out bowling again ......................!!!!!

 lol: lol: lol:

I'm sure it was golf the last time...  rubschin:

lol: lol: lol: lol:
  lol: lol: lol: lol: lol:

but surely that is Affs 135.0
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5746 on: March 22, 2020, 01:29:46 PM »
At 1st I was afraid, I was petrified,
There was no loo roll down at Aldi and I nearly cried.
Oh I spent so many nights just thinking how you did me wrong,
I used to wipe,
And now I’m forced to just drip dry !

No anti-bac !
No bloody soap,
and if you think you’re buying pasta well you’ve got no bloody hope !
I would have bought that box of eggs, I would have rationed out my bread,
If I’d have known for just one second everyone would lose their head !

Go on now go, walk out the door !
All you bloody stockpilers,
You are not welcome any more !
Weren’t you the ones who just bought all the sodding beans ?
You selfish gits !
I hope you spill them down your jeans !

Oh no not I, I won’t panic buy!
Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though I can’t buy my usual cheese,
This will not bring me to my knees
And I’ll survive, I will survive, hey, hey !

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart,
There was just apples and 1 carrot in my shopping cart,
And I spent hours walking round just feeling sorry for myself,
The empty store, with boxes strewn across the floor

And you’ll see me, somebody who,
Cannot buy anything she came for, and it’s all down to fecking you
And frickin Reg from down the road is such a selfish blimmin git
Because he stockpiled all the loo roll so nobody else can have a s@*t !

Go on now go, walk out the door !
All you bloody stockpilers,
You are not welcome any more!
Weren’t you ones who just bought all the sodding cakes
Can’t you make a crumble,
Do you people not know how to bake ?

Oh no not I, I won’t panic buy !
Oh as long as I have alcohol, I know I’ll stay alive,
Though I can’t buy my usual cheese
This will not bring me to my knees
And I’ll survive, I will survive !


Stolen... redface:

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5747 on: March 22, 2020, 08:10:16 PM »
There’s not much left on the shelves so I just bought what I could get my hands on, and I tried crab paste for the very first time. It’s revolting - I’m taking it back to the chemist first thing tomorrow to get a refund.
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5748 on: March 22, 2020, 08:18:18 PM »
There’s not much left on the shelves so I just bought what I could get my hands on, and I tried crab paste for the very first time. It’s revolting - I’m taking it back to the chemist first thing tomorrow to get a refund.

 ;D ;D ;D

Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5749 on: March 22, 2020, 08:20:36 PM »





Please be safe out there
.
Some weirdo just knocked on my door and told me he would give me a can of Lysol if I showed him my butthole. Then he took off in that direction..........


Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5750 on: March 22, 2020, 08:22:40 PM »





Please be safe out there
.
Some weirdo just knocked on my door and told me he would give me a can of Lysol if I showed him my butthole. Then he took off in that direction..........

 lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5751 on: March 23, 2020, 06:36:50 AM »
There’s not much left on the shelves so I just bought what I could get my hands on, and I tried crab paste for the very first time. It’s revolting - I’m taking it back to the chemist first thing tomorrow to get a refund.

 ;D ;D ;D

 ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5752 on: March 23, 2020, 08:44:49 AM »
***IMPORTANT***

Be careful, there's a link going round for a live stream of Chris Martin from Coldplay doing a gig live from his home.

DO NOT CLICK THE LINK - It will take you to a live stream of Chris Martin doing a gig live from his home.
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5753 on: March 23, 2020, 09:13:40 AM »
***IMPORTANT***

Be careful, there's a link going round for a live stream of Chris Martin from Coldplay doing a gig live from his home.

DO NOT CLICK THE LINK - It will take you to a live stream of Chris Martin doing a gig live from his home.

 Thumbs: ;D

Offline Grumpmeister

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5754 on: March 23, 2020, 11:12:38 AM »
***IMPORTANT***

Be careful, there's a link going round for a live stream of Chris Martin from Coldplay doing a gig live from his home.

DO NOT CLICK THE LINK - It will take you to a live stream of Chris Martin doing a gig live from his home.

 lol: Surely it can't be any worse than the Madonna fish song...
The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5755 on: March 23, 2020, 02:00:23 PM »
***IMPORTANT***

Be careful, there's a link going round for a live stream of Chris Martin from Coldplay doing a gig live from his home.

DO NOT CLICK THE LINK - It will take you to a live stream of Chris Martin doing a gig live from his home.

 Thumbs: ;D
  lol: lol:
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #5756 on: March 23, 2020, 08:07:22 PM »
***IMPORTANT***

Be careful, there's a link going round for a live stream of Chris Martin from Coldplay doing a gig live from his home.

DO NOT CLICK THE LINK - It will take you to a live stream of Chris Martin doing a gig live from his home.

 Thumbs: ;D
  lol: lol:

lol: lol: lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Grumpmeister

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The universe is run by the complex interweaving of three elements. Energy, matter, and enlightened self-interest.

Offline Barman

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