Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

So this bloke walks into a pub and the barman says "Good evening sir, what can I get you to drink?"

The guy replies "A pint of bitter please". The barman pours the drink and asks for £3.60.

The man refuses to pay saying "You asked me what you could get me to drink and that constitutes an offer of a free drink".

The barman angrily replies "Now don't start messing me about. £3.60 please!"

With that another guy sat at the bar says to the barman, "Look, I don't want to interfere but I am a lawyer and your wording of what can I get you to drink could in law be taken as an offer of a free drink".

So the barman says to the customer "Enjoy your free pint then but don't you ever try that on with me again".

Well, the next night, the same guy goes into the same pub with the same barman.

The barman says "I'm ready for you pal". The bloke asks ""What are you talking about?"

The guy behind the bar says "You were in here last night conning me out of a free pint".

The punter replies "I don't think so. I've never been in this pub before in my life".

The barman sighs and says "Well, you must have a double then" to which the guy answers,





"Thank you very much, I'll have a whisky!"............

 

[Steve]

Today marks 6 weeks without any sugar.
I’ve stopped eating meat and dairy, too. no caffeine, zero alcohol.
Running two miles before breakfast.
I plan to make this my new life style. Completely vegan, gluten free, caffeine free and sugar free.
Also working out 2 hours a day.

I don’t know who’s status this is, but I was so proud of them I decided to copy and paste it..

[Nick]

You are Miss I and I claim my £5

[apc2010]

You are Miss I and I claim my £5

 

[Steve]

An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear.
The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man.
The atheist screams in terror. ‟ Oh God，help me!!!”
 Suddenly，everything--the bear，the trees，the birds，everything but the man--freezes. The man sees the clouds part as a deep heavenly voice reaches his ears.
 ‟So，all your life，You deny My existence，yet now you call for My aid now that death is upon you? I am sorry，My son，but it is too late.”
The atheist thinks quickly. ‟Well，God，if it is too late for me to become a Christian，how about you just convert the bear?”
Time begins moving again，and the bear immediately stops its roaring，kneels quietly and respectfully，and begins speaking.
 ‟O Lord，bless this meal in which I am about to partake...”

[Darwins Selection]

An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear.
The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man.
The atheist screams in terror. ‟ Oh God，help me!!!”
 Suddenly，everything--the bear，the trees，the birds，everything but the man--freezes. The man sees the clouds part as a deep heavenly voice reaches his ears.
 ‟So，all your life，You deny My existence，yet now you call for My aid now that death is upon you? I am sorry，My son，but it is too late.”
The atheist thinks quickly. ‟Well，God，if it is too late for me to become a Christian，how about you just convert the bear?”
Time begins moving again，and the bear immediately stops its roaring，kneels quietly and respectfully，and begins speaking.
 ‟O Lord，bless this meal in which I am about to partake...”

[Barman]

An atheist is hiking in the woods when he stumbles across a huge hungry grizzly bear.
The bear rears up to full height and gives a roar as it leans in toward the man.
The atheist screams in terror. ‟ Oh God，help me!!!”
 Suddenly，everything--the bear，the trees，the birds，everything but the man--freezes. The man sees the clouds part as a deep heavenly voice reaches his ears.
 ‟So，all your life，You deny My existence，yet now you call for My aid now that death is upon you? I am sorry，My son，but it is too late.”
The atheist thinks quickly. ‟Well，God，if it is too late for me to become a Christian，how about you just convert the bear?”
Time begins moving again，and the bear immediately stops its roaring，kneels quietly and respectfully，and begins speaking.
 ‟O Lord，bless this meal in which I am about to partake...”

[apc2010]

I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole".......

[Just One More]

I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole".......

    

[Barman]

I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole".......

    

 

[Steve]

I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole".......

    

 

[Darwins Selection]

I took my wife out for a romantic meal last night and we played footsie under the table while we were eating.....

"I had a lovely steak and she got toed in the hole".......

    

 

[Pastis]

Finally the nightly applause for all health workers here has ended. It was good while it lasted.
But now there's been an appeal for an applause for all parcel delivery workers...

Apparently it has been scheduled for Friday, sometime between 8am and 1pm.

[Darwins Selection]

Finally the nightly applause for all health workers here has ended. It was good while it lasted.
But now there's been an appeal for an applause for all parcel delivery workers...

Apparently it has been scheduled for Friday, sometime between 8am and 1pm.

[Just One More]

Finally the nightly applause for all health workers here has ended. It was good while it lasted.
But now there's been an appeal for an applause for all parcel delivery workers...

Apparently it has been scheduled for Friday, sometime between 8am and 1pm.