Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."
A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office.
The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done."
The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! We are NOT using that!"
A week passes, and the ad man returns with another tape.
The new tape shows Jesus hanging on the cross in the background, and in the foreground a centurion turns to the camera and says, "B&Q nails: they hold anything!"
The CEO is furious and yells, "JESUS IS NOT GETTING NAILED TO THE CROSS WITH B&Q NAILS, PERIOD!"
Another week goes by, and the ad man comes back with a third tape.
This time Jesus sprints down the street with a group of centurions in pursuit. As he passes the camera one of the centurions turns and says, "We should have used B&Q nails!"

[Barman]

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."
A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office.
The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done."
The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! We are NOT using that!"
A week passes, and the ad man returns with another tape.
The new tape shows Jesus hanging on the cross in the background, and in the foreground a centurion turns to the camera and says, "B&Q nails: they hold anything!"
The CEO is furious and yells, "JESUS IS NOT GETTING NAILED TO THE CROSS WITH B&Q NAILS, PERIOD!"
Another week goes by, and the ad man comes back with a third tape.
This time Jesus sprints down the street with a group of centurions in pursuit. As he passes the camera one of the centurions turns and says, "We should have used B&Q nails!"

 

[apc2010]

Has Covid made you wear glasses and a mask ........????


You maybe entitled to condensation .........

[Steve]

Has Covid made you wear glasses and a mask ........????


You maybe entitled to condensation .........

[Barman]

Has Covid made you wear glasses and a mask ........????


You maybe entitled to condensation .........

[Darwins Selection]

Has Covid made you wear glasses and a mask ........????


You maybe entitled to condensation .........

[Steve]

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.”

Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?”
The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”

[apc2010]

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.”

Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?”
The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”

 

[apc2010]

Dulux. Best start preparing a statement now..........




There's going to be a lot of upset people when they discover the only paint you think is brilliant.................. is white................

[Steve]

Dulux. Best start preparing a statement now..........




There's going to be a lot of upset people when they discover the only paint you think is brilliant.................. is white................

[Barman]

Dulux. Best start preparing a statement now..........




There's going to be a lot of upset people when they discover the only paint you think is brilliant.................. is white................

Pure white too! 

[Steve]

A senior citizens group charters a bus for an overnight gambling casino trip.
An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just molested.
The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting these old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.
'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!'

[apc2010]

A senior citizens group charters a bus for an overnight gambling casino trip.
An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just molested.
The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting these old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.
'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!'

 

[Grumpmeister]

A senior citizens group charters a bus for an overnight gambling casino trip.
An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just molested.
The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting these old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.
'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!'

 

It's no worse than some of the jokes you've come up with... 

[Just One More]

A senior citizens group charters a bus for an overnight gambling casino trip.
An elderly woman comes up to the bus driver and says, 'I've just been molested!'
The driver felt that she had fallen asleep and had a dream.. So he tells her to go back to her seat and sit down.
A short time later, another old woman comes forward and claims that she was just molested.
The driver thought he had a bus load of old wackos, but who would be molesting these old ladies?
About 10 minutes later, a third old lady comes up and says that she'd been molested too.
The bus driver decides that he'd had enough and pulls into the first rest area.
When he turns the lights on and stands up, he sees an old man on his hands and knees crawling in the aisles.
'Hey gramps, what are you doing down there?' says the bus driver.
'I lost my toupee. I thought I found it three times, but every time I tried to grab it, it gets up and runs away!'