Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

I had a worryingly similar problem with two girlfriends in the 80s. They knew each other. One was upstairs in bed and the other dropped in for a coffee early one morning 

 

[Nick]

It was a sweaty moment. I recall hastily hiding a handbag and some shoes behind an armchair 

Happy days 

[Just One More]

Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee.

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.
"What's up?" asks his mate.
"Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."
His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."
He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world.

 

 

[apc2010]

It was a sweaty moment. I recall hastily hiding a handbag and some shoes behind an armchair 

Happy days 

TMJs......

[apc2010]

Covid vacines may run out soon......






Pfizer Chiefs said ."They predict a riot "........

[Steve]

Covid vacines may run out soon......






Pfizer Chiefs said ."They predict a riot "........

[Steve]

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

[Steve]

Affs?

A Woman Sends a Text to Her Husband
“Honey, don't forget to buy BREAD when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you.”
Husband: "Who's Valerie?"
Wife: "Nobody, I just wanted you to answer, to have confirmation that you saw my text."
Husband: "But I’m with Valerie right now, I thought you saw me?"
Wife: "What??! Where are you?"
Husband: "Near the bakery."
Wife: Wait, I’m coming right now!
After 5 minutes, his wife sends a message:
Wife: "I’m at the bakery, where are you?"
Husband: "I’m at work. Now that you’re at the bakery, buy the bread!"

[Steve]

I used to think drinking was bad for me.

So I gave up thinking.

[Steve]

Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole......when an elderly lady was passing below them.
One of the electricians calls her.
"Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?"
"This one, young man?""
"Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!"
"No problem, dear!"
After the lady passed him the wire, and left, the electrician tells his mate:
 "See, Fred? I told you this was the neutral wire, but no, you had to insist that it was the live wire!"

[Barman]

Two electricians are standing on a ladder leaned against a utility pole......when an elderly lady was passing below them.
One of the electricians calls her.
"Excuse me, ma'm! Could you pass us that wire, so we don't have to climb down?"
"This one, young man?""
"Yes, that one! Thank you so much, ma'm, you're very kind!"
"No problem, dear!"
After the lady passed him the wire, and left, the electrician tells his mate:
 "See, Fred? I told you this was the neutral wire, but no, you had to insist that it was the live wire!"

 

[Steve]

My wife and I had a little dispute last week and she's still not happy.
She said I should have opened the car door for her,
and I said I thought swimming to the surface and calling for assistance was still the best option.

[Barman]

My wife and I had a little dispute last week and she's still not happy.
She said I should have opened the car door for her,
and I said I thought swimming to the surface and calling for assistance was still the best option.

 

[apc2010]

Just received my valentines card from moonpig,....




She hates it when I call her that..........

[Barman]

Just received my valentines card from moonpig,....




She hates it when I call her that..........