Fresh from the Inbox

[Steve]

A French catholic priest was walking one night and a policeman comes running to him saying, “ Father, come quickly! A man is about to jump off the Eiffel Tower”
The priest runs to the tower and tries to dissuade the man from jumping.
Priest: "Stop my son! Think of your family! Think of your wife."
Man: "My wife has left me and I have no family. That’s why I’m jumping."
The priest doesn’t give up and tries once more to convince the man not to take his life
Priest: "My son, taking your own life,it is a sin against God, a sin against the Catholic Church."
Man: "I am not a Catholic!"
The priest says, “Oh...okay then- Jump!”

[Barman]

A French catholic priest was walking one night and a policeman comes running to him saying, “ Father, come quickly! A man is about to jump off the Eiffel Tower”
The priest runs to the tower and tries to dissuade the man from jumping.
Priest: "Stop my son! Think of your family! Think of your wife."
Man: "My wife has left me and I have no family. That’s why I’m jumping."
The priest doesn’t give up and tries once more to convince the man not to take his life
Priest: "My son, taking your own life,it is a sin against God, a sin against the Catholic Church."
Man: "I am not a Catholic!"
The priest says, “Oh...okay then- Jump!”

 

[Nick]

Sounds like my mother in law 

[Steve]

After God made Adam he said, "I am going to give you a helpmate.
She will be called "woman" and she will be your friend, she will cook for you,
clean your home, be kind and gentle, be your helper,
when you argue, she will be the first one to admit you are right."
Adam said, "What would she cost me?"
God said, "An arm and a leg." Adam said, "What can you give me for a rib?"
The rest is history.

[Steve]

A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie?
Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra....I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

[Barman]

A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie?
Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra....I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

 

[Just One More]

A woman asks her husband, "Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?"
He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime she asked him if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"
He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and scrumptious apple pie?
Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"
He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra....I'm still not hungry."
"Well," she says, "Would you mind letting me up? I'm starving."

 

 

[Steve]

[Barman]

 

[apc2010]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the death of a Mr Juan Gonzalez....


First detective says "he was killed with a golf gun"......


Second detective says, "What's a golf gun?"......



First detective "I don't know, but it made a hole in Juan"...............

[Just One More]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the death of a Mr Juan Gonzalez....


First detective says "he was killed with a golf gun"......


Second detective says, "What's a golf gun?"......



First detective "I don't know, but it made a hole in Juan"...............

 

[apc2010]

Had a spare few quid in my betting account the other day, put it all on tiger Woods first drive of 2021 to land in the rough,....

hope the bookies pay out........

[apc2010]

Had a spare few quid in my betting account the other day, put it all on tiger Woods first drive of 2021 to land in the rough,....

hope the bookies pay out........

There must be a load of "handicap" jokes too.....

[Barman]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the death of a Mr Juan Gonzalez....


First detective says "he was killed with a golf gun"......


Second detective says, "What's a golf gun?"......



First detective "I don't know, but it made a hole in Juan"...............

 

[Barman]

Had a spare few quid in my betting account the other day, put it all on tiger Woods first drive of 2021 to land in the rough,....

hope the bookies pay out........