Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox  (Read 791875 times)

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Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6405 on: March 09, 2021, 11:58:52 AM »
Jimmy was going in to get circumcised...
he asked his Jewish pal if it was sore.....
"Sore ? ...I had it done at birth..I couldn’t walk for a year after it."

 ;D
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6406 on: March 09, 2021, 01:20:52 PM »
Jimmy was going in to get circumcised...
he asked his Jewish pal if it was sore.....
"Sore ? ...I had it done at birth..I couldn’t walk for a year after it."

 ;D

 ;D ;D
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6407 on: March 12, 2021, 12:17:28 PM »
Two businessmen in Edinburgh  were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be New Store..
As yet , the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some 'senior'  is going to walk by, put his face to the window , and ask what we're selling"
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."
Without skipping a beat the old timer said, "You're doing well then, only two left!"

Moral. Don't fuck with a scotsman.
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6408 on: March 12, 2021, 12:38:21 PM »
Two businessmen in Edinburgh  were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be New Store..
As yet , the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some 'senior'  is going to walk by, put his face to the window , and ask what we're selling"
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."
Without skipping a beat the old timer said, "You're doing well then, only two left!"

Moral. Don't fuck with a scotsman.

 ;D
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6409 on: March 12, 2021, 01:41:54 PM »
Two businessmen in Edinburgh  were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be New Store..
As yet , the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some 'senior'  is going to walk by, put his face to the window , and ask what we're selling"
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."
Without skipping a beat the old timer said, "You're doing well then, only two left!"

Moral. Don't fuck with a scotsman.

 ;D

 ;D ;D
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6410 on: March 12, 2021, 09:18:33 PM »
Two businessmen in Edinburgh  were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be New Store..
As yet , the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some 'senior'  is going to walk by, put his face to the window , and ask what we're selling"
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked, "What are you selling here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arseholes."
Without skipping a beat the old timer said, "You're doing well then, only two left!"

Moral. Don't fuck with a scotsman.

 ;D

 ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D
I mostly despair

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6411 on: March 13, 2021, 12:47:50 PM »
I mowed the lawn this morning, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer.  Then maybe a nap.
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6412 on: March 14, 2021, 05:40:58 AM »
I mowed the lawn this morning, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer.  Then maybe a nap.

 ;D
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6413 on: March 14, 2021, 06:45:43 PM »
I bought the wife one those stress relief stones.
When she's happy it turns green.
When she's angry it leaves a fecking great big lump on my head.
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6414 on: March 15, 2021, 08:58:28 AM »
I bought the wife one those stress relief stones.
When she's happy it turns green.
When she's angry it leaves a fecking great big lump on my head.

 ;D
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Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6415 on: March 19, 2021, 10:45:45 AM »
On March 10th, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call.

Moments later, he learned his washing machine warranty had expired.
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6416 on: March 21, 2021, 04:12:38 PM »
Devastated.

A very sad day today. After seven years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and can now no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Steve

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6417 on: March 24, 2021, 01:14:30 PM »
An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon.
Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:   
"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me…
your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."
Well, whatever, nevermind

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6418 on: March 24, 2021, 08:33:14 PM »
An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon.
Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:   
"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me…
your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."
lol: lol:
I mostly despair

Offline Barman

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Re: Fresh from the Inbox
« Reply #6419 on: March 25, 2021, 06:31:54 AM »
An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon.
Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:   
"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me…
your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."
lol: lol:
lol: lol: lol:
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