Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

Bullcrap ..but funny....

Bill Gates reportedly  compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:
If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........twice a day.
2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3.. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.
4.... Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5... Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6...... The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
7...... The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8....... Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9........ Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10......... You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
11………. Your car would be accessible to thieves who could electronically break into your car and steal it and everything else in it, then hold it for ransom until you paid them off in Bitcoin currency.
12………. When all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!

 

[Steve]

(I don't care if it's actually an Affs)

Little Johnny was taken from his parents and they were deemed unfit to raise him.

He went to family court where a judge would decide his fate.
Johnny had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
But johnny surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, johnny cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Scotland national football team who everyone agreed are not capable of beating anyone.

[apc2010]

(I don't care if it's actually an Affs)

Little Johnny was taken from his parents and they were deemed unfit to raise him.

He went to family court where a judge would decide his fate.
Johnny had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
But johnny surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, johnny cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Scotland national football team who everyone agreed are not capable of beating anyone.

 

[Barman]

(I don't care if it's actually an Affs)

Little Johnny was taken from his parents and they were deemed unfit to raise him.

He went to family court where a judge would decide his fate.
Johnny had a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
But johnny surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, johnny cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Scotland national football team who everyone agreed are not capable of beating anyone.

 

[Barman]

Actually from a comment thread rather than my inbox...

OT: which billionaire do you think will be vaporised?


Hopefully all 4 of them.

I'm just saddened Gatesy/Bozus isn't on board.

Rather surprised all the econatzis aren't up in arms about the totally unnecessary pollution.

 

[Steve]

Actually from a comment thread rather than my inbox...

When I shamelessly copied this thread idea onto another forum I called it 'From Elsewhere'

[apc2010]

TRAFFIC WARDENS: If you're putting a penalty on Marcus Rashford's car,


make sure it's slap bang in the middle of the windscreen so he doesn't miss it........


 

[Barman]

TRAFFIC WARDENS: If you're putting a penalty on Marcus Rashford's car,


make sure it's slap bang in the middle of the windscreen so he doesn't miss it........


 

 

[Just One More]

TRAFFIC WARDENS: If you're putting a penalty on Marcus Rashford's car,


make sure it's slap bang in the middle of the windscreen so he doesn't miss it........


 

 

 

[Steve]

A man is alone in an airport lounge.
A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides that because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty Flight Attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto, “To fly, to serve?”
The young woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto. “Winning the hearts of the world?”
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred he tries again this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto. “Going beyond expectations?”
The woman looks at him sternly and says, “What the fuck do you want?”
“Aha”, he says,... "American Airlines.”

[Just One More]

A man is alone in an airport lounge.
A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides that because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty Flight Attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto, “To fly, to serve?”
The young woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto. “Winning the hearts of the world?”
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred he tries again this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto. “Going beyond expectations?”
The woman looks at him sternly and says, “What the fuck do you want?”
“Aha”, he says,... "American Airlines.”

 

[Barman]

A man is alone in an airport lounge.
A beautiful young woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.
He decides that because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty Flight Attendant.
So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.
He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto, “To fly, to serve?”
The young woman looks at him blankly. He sits back and thinks up another line.
He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto. “Winning the hearts of the world?”
Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.
Undeterred he tries again this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto. “Going beyond expectations?”
The woman looks at him sternly and says, “What the fuck do you want?”
“Aha”, he says,... "American Airlines.”

 

[apc2010]

https://www.facebook.com/Tyla/videos/1988703377838423/


 

[Steve]

https://www.facebook.com/Tyla/videos/1988703377838423/


 

   

[Barman]

https://www.facebook.com/Tyla/videos/1988703377838423/