Fresh from the Inbox

[Just One More]

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.
The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. Just pull the tooth!
I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic,
I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it!
We have a 10:00am tee off time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already...
I don't have time to wait for the anaesthetic to work!”
The dentist thought to himself, "Well, well, at last a golfer with real balls!!"
So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, honey, and show the dentist.”

[Steve]

Quasimodo was getting Married.
His Fiance said, "Hey Quasi, get yourself over to Harley Street and go see the Hump Doctor".
So he looks in Yellow Pages.
He gets over to Harley St., and eventually finds It,
So he goes in and up the stairs he goes, and walks into the Hump Doctor's reception.
He says, "Hi, I'm Quasimodo and I have an appointment.
Receptionist says, "Did  you Ring the Bell..????
Quasi says, "Are you taking the Piss"..???
 The Doctor says, "Come through. Lets have a look at you"..??
The Doc says, "How long have you had this Lump"..???
Quasi, replies, "Ever since I was a Nipper".
"OK", says the Doc. "Take your Coat Off.  Take your Jumper Off. Take your Shirt Off. Take your Pyjama Top Off. Take your Vest Off.
The Hump Doctor says,
"Hey, Quasimodo, did you ever wonder, whatever became of your School Satchel"..???

[Barman]

Quasimodo was getting Married.
His Fiance said, "Hey Quasi, get yourself over to Harley Street and go see the Hump Doctor".
So he looks in Yellow Pages.
He gets over to Harley St., and eventually finds It,
So he goes in and up the stairs he goes, and walks into the Hump Doctor's reception.
He says, "Hi, I'm Quasimodo and I have an appointment.
Receptionist says, "Did  you Ring the Bell..????
Quasi says, "Are you taking the Piss"..???
 The Doctor says, "Come through. Lets have a look at you"..??
The Doc says, "How long have you had this Lump"..???
Quasi, replies, "Ever since I was a Nipper".
"OK", says the Doc. "Take your Coat Off.  Take your Jumper Off. Take your Shirt Off. Take your Pyjama Top Off. Take your Vest Off.
The Hump Doctor says,
"Hey, Quasimodo, did you ever wonder, whatever became of your School Satchel"..???

 

[Steve]

The foreman on a large worksite noticed a new labourer one day and barked at him "what's your name?"
"John", the new bloke replied.
The Forman scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of wishy-washy worksite you were on before, but I don't call
anyone by their first name. It's weak and wastes time. I call my employees by their last name only -Smith, Jones,
Baker - that's all. If I want a job done, I yell, Baker, get this or Jones, do that!
Now that we have that straight, what's your last name?"
The new bloke sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
The foreman paused briefly for a couple of seconds, then said quietly,
"Ok John, the first thing I want you to do is.....

[Just One More]

The foreman on a large worksite noticed a new labourer one day and barked at him "what's your name?"
"John", the new bloke replied.
The Forman scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of wishy-washy worksite you were on before, but I don't call
anyone by their first name. It's weak and wastes time. I call my employees by their last name only -Smith, Jones,
Baker - that's all. If I want a job done, I yell, Baker, get this or Jones, do that!
Now that we have that straight, what's your last name?"
The new bloke sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
The foreman paused briefly for a couple of seconds, then said quietly,
"Ok John, the first thing I want you to do is.....

 

[Barman]

The foreman on a large worksite noticed a new labourer one day and barked at him "what's your name?"
"John", the new bloke replied.
The Forman scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of wishy-washy worksite you were on before, but I don't call
anyone by their first name. It's weak and wastes time. I call my employees by their last name only -Smith, Jones,
Baker - that's all. If I want a job done, I yell, Baker, get this or Jones, do that!
Now that we have that straight, what's your last name?"
The new bloke sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
The foreman paused briefly for a couple of seconds, then said quietly,
"Ok John, the first thing I want you to do is.....

 

[Steve]

[Barman]

[Steve]

[Steve]

Into a Bantry pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
'Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
'That little O'Conner?' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'
‘That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

[Just One More]

Into a Bantry pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
'Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
'That little O'Conner?' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'
‘That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

 

[Barman]

Into a Bantry pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
'Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
'That little O'Conner?' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'
‘That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

 

[apc2010]

What's the difference between Emma Raducanu and Prince Andrew............





Emma's not scared of an American court................

[Just One More]

What's the difference between Emma Raducanu and Prince Andrew............





Emma's not scared of an American court................

 

[Darwins Selection]

What's the difference between Emma Raducanu and Prince Andrew............





Emma's not scared of an American court................