Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

What's the difference between Emma Raducanu and Prince Andrew............





Emma's not scared of an American court................

 

 

   

[Steve]

I was driving along a country road when a 3-legged chicken ran under my car.
I got out, looked at the dead chicken then looked around, saw a farmhouse on the hill and walked up to it.
Saw the farmer and said," I just ran over a 3-legged chicken."
"I know" said the farmer, "I breed them."
"I asked why?"
"Well I like a leg, the missus likes a leg and the boy likes a leg."
I said "That’s fantastic, what do they taste like?"
"Dunno," said the farmer, "Can’t catch the little bastards."

[Barman]

I was driving along a country road when a 3-legged chicken ran under my car.
I got out, looked at the dead chicken then looked around, saw a farmhouse on the hill and walked up to it.
Saw the farmer and said," I just ran over a 3-legged chicken."
"I know" said the farmer, "I breed them."
"I asked why?"
"Well I like a leg, the missus likes a leg and the boy likes a leg."
I said "That’s fantastic, what do they taste like?"
"Dunno," said the farmer, "Can’t catch the little bastards."

 

[Just One More]

I was driving along a country road when a 3-legged chicken ran under my car.
I got out, looked at the dead chicken then looked around, saw a farmhouse on the hill and walked up to it.
Saw the farmer and said," I just ran over a 3-legged chicken."
"I know" said the farmer, "I breed them."
"I asked why?"
"Well I like a leg, the missus likes a leg and the boy likes a leg."
I said "That’s fantastic, what do they taste like?"
"Dunno," said the farmer, "Can’t catch the little bastards."

 

Why do farmers walk like that DS?

[Barman]

I was driving along a country road when a 3-legged chicken ran under my car.
I got out, looked at the dead chicken then looked around, saw a farmhouse on the hill and walked up to it.
Saw the farmer and said," I just ran over a 3-legged chicken."
"I know" said the farmer, "I breed them."
"I asked why?"
"Well I like a leg, the missus likes a leg and the boy likes a leg."
I said "That’s fantastic, what do they taste like?"
"Dunno," said the farmer, "Can’t catch the little bastards."

 

Why do farmers walk like that DS?

 

[Uncle Mort]

[Just One More]

 

[Barman]

 

 

[Steve]

 

 

[Steve]

[Barman]

 

[Steve]

How many Elephants can you get in a Volkswagen? 4! 2 in the front and 2 in the back.
How do you know there is an Elephant in your refrigerator? Tracks in the butter!
How do you know when there are 2 Elephants in your refrigerator? You can hear them talking!
How do you know when there are 3 in the refrigerator? You can hear them arguing!
How do you know when there are 4 in your refrigerator? The Volkswagen is parked out front.

[Steve]

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says:
"You're all part of our team now.
You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat.
So don't trouble the other employees".
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you.
One of our cleaners has disappeared however.
Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others:
"Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says:
"You FOOL! - For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything,
and now YOU have to go and eat the cleaner!"

[Barman]

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says:
"You're all part of our team now.
You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat.
So don't trouble the other employees".
The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you.
One of our cleaners has disappeared however.
Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others:
"Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"
One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says:
"You FOOL! - For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything,
and now YOU have to go and eat the cleaner!"

 

[Steve]

A wife is complaining about her husband spending all his time at the local tavern, so one night he takes her along with him.
"What'll ya have?" he asks.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you, I suppose," she replies.
So the husband orders a couple of Jack Daniels and gulps his down in one go.
His wife watches him, then takes a sip from her glass and immediately spits it out.
"Yuck! It tastes awful, worse than awful!" she splutters. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go!" cries the husband. "And you think I am out enjoying myself every night!"