Fresh from the Inbox

[Uncle Mort]

Surely he had Scottish blood in him after the first transfusion   

[Barman]

A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospial for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Cadbury chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now"

 

 

[Steve]

Surely he had Scottish blood in him after the first transfusion   

good point

[Steve]

For years four mates each took a week off work to go fishing together.
This year, Ron’s wife put her foot down and told him he wasn’t going.
Bitterly disappointed, he phoned the others and told them he wasn’t allowed to go.
Two days later, the other three arrived at their usual campsite only to see Ron sitting there with his tent already set up.
‘Ron,’ they said, ‘How did you talk your missus into letting you come?’
‘Well, yesterday evening after my wife had finished reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ she dragged me upstairs and into the bedroom.
On the bed she’d put handcuffs and ropes.
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
Then she said ‘Now do whatever you want.
So here I am.

[Steve]

 

[Barman]

For years four mates each took a week off work to go fishing together.
This year, Ron’s wife put her foot down and told him he wasn’t going.
Bitterly disappointed, he phoned the others and told them he wasn’t allowed to go.
Two days later, the other three arrived at their usual campsite only to see Ron sitting there with his tent already set up.
‘Ron,’ they said, ‘How did you talk your missus into letting you come?’
‘Well, yesterday evening after my wife had finished reading ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ she dragged me upstairs and into the bedroom.
On the bed she’d put handcuffs and ropes.
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
Then she said ‘Now do whatever you want.
So here I am.

 

[Barman]

 

 

[Just One More]

 

 

 

[Steve]

I'm guessing Affs but whatever

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year, and every year Bill would say,
"Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."
Blanche always replied, "I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said, "Blanche, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Blanche replied, "Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvre's, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,  "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!."
Bill replied,  "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out,
But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

[Barman]

I'm guessing Affs but whatever

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year, and every year Bill would say,
"Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."
Blanche always replied, "I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said, "Blanche, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Blanche replied, "Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvre's, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,  "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!."
Bill replied,  "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out,
But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

 

[Just One More]

I'm guessing Affs but whatever

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year, and every year Bill would say,
"Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."
Blanche always replied, "I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"
One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said, "Blanche, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."
To this, Blanche replied, "Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks."
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."
Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvre's, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word...
When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,  "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!."
Bill replied,  "Well, to tell you the truth I almost said something when Blanche fell out,
But you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!"

 

 

[apc2010]

Kurt Zouma has rightly been dragged through the mud for attempting to launch a cat into space,........



yet Spurs (insert team ) have been flogging a dead horse for years, let the animal rights activists explain that one........

[Barman]

Kurt Zouma has rightly been dragged through the mud for attempting to launch a cat into space,........



yet Spurs (insert team ) have been flogging a dead horse for years, let the animal rights activists explain that one........

 

[Steve]

3 Young Boys are boasting in the Playground.
The 1st Boy says, "My Dad's the Fastest Man in the World"...
"How do you know that".??? Asks the other Boys.
"Because he can Fire a Bow and Arrow and run and catch the Arrow". He replies.
"That's Nothing," says the 2nd Boy.
 "My Dad can Fire a Gun and Run and Catch the Bullet"..
That's Nothing”, says the 3rd Boy,
"My Dad works for Liverpool County Council", and he doesn’t Finish till 4.30pm,
but he runs so fast he's always in our House by 3pm, to have his Lunch"..

[Barman]

3 Young Boys are boasting in the Playground.
The 1st Boy says, "My Dad's the Fastest Man in the World"...
"How do you know that".??? Asks the other Boys.
"Because he can Fire a Bow and Arrow and run and catch the Arrow". He replies.
"That's Nothing," says the 2nd Boy.
 "My Dad can Fire a Gun and Run and Catch the Bullet"..
That's Nothing”, says the 3rd Boy,
"My Dad works for Liverpool County Council", and he doesn’t Finish till 4.30pm,
but he runs so fast he's always in our House by 3pm, to have his Lunch"..