Fresh from the Inbox

[Uncle Mort]

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.
Over a double latte, Alexandros mentions proudly: "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."
"Aye,” Paddy replies, “and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics", said Alexandros.
"Granted,” Paddy concedes, “but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, Alexandros, the proud son of Athens points out with a note of finality:
"Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"Aye! True enough,” Paddy rebuked, "but it was the Irish who got women involved."

 

[Barman]

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.
Over a double latte, Alexandros mentions proudly: "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."
"Aye,” Paddy replies, “and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics", said Alexandros.
"Granted,” Paddy concedes, “but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, Alexandros, the proud son of Athens points out with a note of finality:
"Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"Aye! True enough,” Paddy rebuked, "but it was the Irish who got women involved."

 

[Just One More]

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.
Over a double latte, Alexandros mentions proudly: "We built the Parthenon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo."
"Aye,” Paddy replies, “and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices."
"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics", said Alexandros.
"Granted,” Paddy concedes, “but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces."
Knowing that he's about to deliver the coup de grace, Alexandros, the proud son of Athens points out with a note of finality:
"Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!"
"Aye! True enough,” Paddy rebuked, "but it was the Irish who got women involved."

 

 

[Steve]

 

 EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.
"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden..
"Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?"
"Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this?
You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless Tit?"

[Barman]

 EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain."
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.
"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden..
"Well, Eve, how is my favourite creation?"
"Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this?
You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless Tit?"

 

[Nick]

[Barman]

 

[Steve]

 

[Darwins Selection]

 

[Nick]

I doubt they permit such things where you are, Mr Darwin, but perhaps some of your serfs may frequent such establishments

[Steve]

Went on the We Buy Any Car for a quote.

First question: "How full is the fuel tank."

[Just One More]

 

 

[Just One More]

Went on the We Buy Any Car for a quote.

First question: "How full is the fuel tank."

 

[Steve]

Wife: Oh, come on.
Husband: Leave me alone!
Wife: It won't take long.
Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can't sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I'm hot.
Husband:You get hot at the darnedest times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Wife: You don't love me anymore.
Husband:  Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Wife:Please...go on.
Husband: All right, I'll do it.
Wife: What's the matter? You need a flashlight
Husband: I can't find it in the dark.
Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes.
Husband: Is it up far enough?
Wife: Yeah! that's good.
Husband:  Right! Now go to sleep.
And the next time you want the bloody window open, do it yourself.

[Barman]

Wife: Oh, come on.
Husband: Leave me alone!
Wife: It won't take long.
Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can't sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I'm hot.
Husband:You get hot at the darnedest times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Wife: You don't love me anymore.
Husband:  Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Wife:Please...go on.
Husband: All right, I'll do it.
Wife: What's the matter? You need a flashlight
Husband: I can't find it in the dark.
Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes.
Husband: Is it up far enough?
Wife: Yeah! that's good.
Husband:  Right! Now go to sleep.
And the next time you want the bloody window open, do it yourself.