Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."
"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."
"Show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country."
"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!"
"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.
The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"

 

[Just One More]

Wish me luck in this year's London Marathon. I managed 3 hours, 12 minutes and 9 seconds last year.


This year I will try to beat that, but I usually get bored and turn over to watch something else.

 

[Just One More]

A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."
"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."
"Show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country."
"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!"
"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.
The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"

 

 

[Steve]

Tony Blair and Nigel Farage somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Blair in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Blair was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Cherie, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Nigel and said, "How about you, Mr. Farage ?"
Nigel replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like".

[Barman]

Tony Blair and Nigel Farage somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Blair in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Blair was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Cherie, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Nigel and said, "How about you, Mr. Farage ?"
Nigel replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like".

 

[apc2010]

Tony Blair and Nigel Farage somehow ended up at the same barber shop.
As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.
As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Blair in his chair reached for the aftershave.
Blair was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, "No thanks. My wife, Cherie, will smell that and think I've been in a brothel."
The second barber turned to Nigel and said, "How about you, Mr. Farage ?"
Nigel replied, "Go right ahead, my wife doesn't know what the inside of a brothel smells like".

 

 

[Steve]

Any Woman who says their wedding day was the best day of their life
has obviously never had two chocolate bars fall down at the same time in a vending machine!

[Just One More]

Any Woman who says their wedding day was the best day of their life
has obviously never had two chocolate bars fall down at the same time in a vending machine!

 

[Barman]

Any Woman who says their wedding day was the best day of their life
has obviously never had two chocolate bars fall down at the same time in a vending machine!

 

 

[Barman]

[apc2010]

 

[Just One More]

 

 

[Steve]

Two old ladies, Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandchildren.
Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous cheque inside.
I never hear from them... never receive a thank you message."
Ruby replies, "I too send my grandchildren a very generous cheque. I always hear from them within a week after they receive it.
In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."
"Wow… how come?” remarked Dolly.
"I don't sign the cheque!”

[Just One More]

Two old ladies, Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandchildren.
Dolly said, "Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous cheque inside.
I never hear from them... never receive a thank you message."
Ruby replies, "I too send my grandchildren a very generous cheque. I always hear from them within a week after they receive it.
In fact, they each pay me a personal visit."
"Wow… how come?” remarked Dolly.
"I don't sign the cheque!”

 

[Barman]

My repeated failure to appear in the Sunday Times Rich List seriously undermines my faith in money spiders.