Fresh from the Inbox

[Barman]

[Steve]

[Barman]

 

[Steve]

After his examination, the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I make love to my wife, I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
Later, after examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears To be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"She replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after making love with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old bugger," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."

[Steve]

Advice is needed, please...
I'm lucky enough to be on holiday from Dec 23rd to Jan 3rd and would love to go to a quiet place, without crowds, preferably up in the mountains or in the countryside.
Ideally an all-inclusive resort type thing.
I intend to spend around £10,000 - £15,000 between accommodation and food just to relax, unwind and enjoy the end of what has been a very hard year!
Does anyone know where I can get the money??

[Steve]

[Barman]

 

[Barman]

A penguin walked into a pub, and said to the barman "Afternoon squire. A pint of best please."

At this, the barman gave the penguin a look of surprise and said "You're a penguin." To which the penguin replied "No flies on you squire." To which the barman exclaimed "But you can talk." And the penguin said "What of it? Now about this pint, I'd be obliged if you could accommodate squire."

The barman in a state of near shock, poured the pint and passed it across to the penguin, and said "Fancy that. A talking penguin in my pub." To which the penguin said "Yeah, I'm on a job up the road, and I fancied a tightener, so here I am squire." The barman said "On a job?" The penguin replied "Yeah, I'm a plasterer. I'm doing the ceilings up the road. Lovely gaff."

At this the barman had to lean on the pump to steady himself, and said "The circus is in town. If you get yourself along there, you'll be made. They'd pay a fortune for you."

The penguin said "Circus?" The barman said "Yep. Big top and everything." To which the penguin said "Get away, they wouldn't want me." Rather surprised, the barman said "Of course they would. They'd snap you up in an instant. Pay whatever you asked."

But the penguin looked at him like he had two heads, and said " Nonsense squire. Why would a circus want a plasterer?"

[Steve]

A penguin walked into a pub, and said to the barman "Afternoon squire. A pint of best please."

At this, the barman gave the penguin a look of surprise and said "You're a penguin." To which the penguin replied "No flies on you squire." To which the barman exclaimed "But you can talk." And the penguin said "What of it? Now about this pint, I'd be obliged if you could accommodate squire."

The barman in a state of near shock, poured the pint and passed it across to the penguin, and said "Fancy that. A talking penguin in my pub." To which the penguin said "Yeah, I'm on a job up the road, and I fancied a tightener, so here I am squire." The barman said "On a job?" The penguin replied "Yeah, I'm a plasterer. I'm doing the ceilings up the road. Lovely gaff."

At this the barman had to lean on the pump to steady himself, and said "The circus is in town. If you get yourself along there, you'll be made. They'd pay a fortune for you."

The penguin said "Circus?" The barman said "Yep. Big top and everything." To which the penguin said "Get away, they wouldn't want me." Rather surprised, the barman said "Of course they would. They'd snap you up in an instant. Pay whatever you asked."

But the penguin looked at him like he had two heads, and said " Nonsense squire. Why would a circus want a plasterer?"

[Steve]

[Tipsy Gipsy]

 

[Barman]

 

[Steve]

So in these difficult snowbound times,
I popped next door to see if 79-year-old Margaret needed anything from the shop.

She said she did so I gave her my list, no point in both of us going out in this weather.

[Barman]

So in these difficult snowbound times,
I popped next door to see if 79-year-old Margaret needed anything from the shop.

She said she did so I gave her my list, no point in both of us going out in this weather.

 

[Barman]