The all new advice for Grandpa thread

[Barman]

Stick to nappy changing and puke mopping then.

None of that either... 

When does the Farnborough Air Show end...? 

I'm planning on attending.   Also Goodwood revival in September.

Baby advice steer well clear, let the ladies rule.  Maybe purchase a box of chocolates or two. If you have to handle it try not to drop it or break it.

Don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... don't drop it or break it... 

[Snoopy]

I can see the headlines now........

Grandpa Gubs Baby

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

Yup that about sums it up.  For the first 6 months or so it is an immobile pink tube, able to make irritating noises.  Put stuff in one end stuff comes out of both ends.  After six months it becomes a moving squirming pink tube.  Put stuff in one end and it comes out of both ends but is able to smear said 'stuff' around. Still makes irritating noises. It will start talking eventually and moving around in a rational manner but the talking will stop after about 12 years and will be replaced noises along with immobility. This will prolly last until the darling fledges/is kicked out of the nest.  Best left well alone.

[Pastis]

In a few deft strokes of the keyboard MissC has summed up the first two of the seven ages of man     Excellent!

[Snoopy]

Never was a truer word uttered.

[Just One More]

Bloody hell. I was gonna say make the most of every single moment 

[Barman]

Yup that about sums it up.  For the first 6 months or so it is an immobile pink tube, able to make irritating noises.  Put stuff in one end stuff comes out of both ends.  After six months it becomes a moving squirming pink tube.  Put stuff in one end and it comes out of both ends but is able to smear said 'stuff' around. Still makes irritating noises. It will start talking eventually and moving around in a rational manner but the talking will stop after about 12 years and will be replaced noises along with immobility. This will prolly last until the darling fledges/is kicked out of the nest.  Best left well alone.

I'm glad I'm only staying for two weeks... 

[GROWLER]

It'll be as ugly as fuck...they all are though , so don't fret.

[Barman]

It'll be as ugly as fuck...they all are though , so don't fret.

I told my mate his new baby was as ugly as fuck... haven't seen him for some years... 

[GROWLER]

It'll be as ugly as fuck...they all are though , so don't fret.

I told my mate his new baby was as ugly as fuck... haven't seen him for some years...  

Truth can be somewhat painful to swallow sometimes, but saying it how it really is is much appreciated sometimes (eventually) and shows honesty.

[Nick]

So best not to mention if it's smelly then, even though it will be. Friend of mine had a stinky baby. I once referred to it as Trumpet Trousers. 

[GROWLER]

So best not to mention if it's smelly then, even though it will be. Friend of mine had a stinky baby. I once referred to it as Trumpet Trousers. 

They ALL stink.
They are ALL ugly.

They ALL grow up to be a total pain in the arse too.

[Barman]

 

[GROWLER]

Sorry mate.
I know, it hurts.

[Nick]

He could wear a gas mask. Unobtrusively, like.