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Author Topic: Domestic Disasters  (Read 15318 times)

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Offline Nick

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Domestic Disasters
« on: July 15, 2007, 10:42:07 AM »
Corker this morning. Mrs Nick and The Boy went off early (tennis) and I lay in bed quietly reading yesterday's paper. After a while the Cat clambered up, licked me and fell asleep.

After a few minutes I became aware of a warm wet sensation and my quivering nostrils then confirmed my worst fears: the cat had peed in its sleep eeek:

Leapt up, ejected cat, ripped off all bedclothes (new mattress, new mattress cover, new duvet, new everything eeek: eeek:) and slammed everytythinginto washing machine on maximum warp. Flung windows open.

Jumped into car (having discovered that the laternative double duvet was pronounced dead and disposed of three weeks ago) and set off in search of duvet in order to conceal evidence and save my skin (and The Cat's). Made pell mell for local duvet shop. SHUT Banghead Banghead.

Drove around looking right and left for any sort of shop. Even tried the local DIY.

Raced home, stuck two single duvets in double duvet cover) pending clandestine purchase of new double duvet later.

ANd I have just realised that the stinking duvet is still in the boot of my car, as I forgot to take it to the dump, and we are going out for lunch IN THE CAR at 12.30.

Must run........................
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2007, 10:45:29 AM »
Oh Nick ~ I am soooooo sorry but

 happy001 happy001 happy001 happy001
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Offline Nick

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2007, 10:52:37 AM »
Thanks a lot!

Old duvet now safely heading for landfill. Car windows open to disperse stench.
And Mrs Nick has not yet spotted my cunning substitution. Just have to find a way of slipping away this afternoon and then smuggling a double duvet into the house undetected before bedtime scared2:
« Last Edit: July 15, 2007, 11:26:31 AM by Nick »
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Offline Bar Wench

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2007, 11:59:28 AM »
Never going to happen! I fear for the cat.  scared2: This isn't the first of such incidents is it? And you know it will be all your fault!  eveilgrin:
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2007, 12:05:09 PM »
Whose cat is it?
Yours or Hers or Boys?

If it is not yours you can justifiably stand on your dignity and accuse them of owning an incontinent cat that crept up on you for a piss. You can then lard on further accusations about failure to care for the animal properly, inadequate training of cat etc.

If it is yours then you might as well start moving your few pitiful possessions into the Dog House now.
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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2007, 12:21:00 PM »
Very commendable behaviour, I must say.  Taking the rap for the cat is something not too many would have done.

Getting on a bit is it?   have a clap
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Offline Nick

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2007, 02:34:04 PM »
Quote from: Bouncer on July 15, 2007, 12:21:00 PM
Very commendable behaviour, I must say.  Taking the rap for the cat is something not too many would have done.

Getting on a bit is it?   have a clap

Her cat (pushing 20) but ownership nominally transferred to me in cases of feline misdemeanour (obviously), as is also the case with The Boy, as in "He's your son..." etc.
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Offline Snoopy

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2007, 02:49:19 PM »
The only cat I ever had in my life (apart from wives etc) lived to be 21 and then my ex-wife had her destroyed mainly due to incontinence! I was very upset though by then out of the picture having divorced a couple of years before and left the home and cat in her charge. I was surprised at being upset as I don't actually like cats much (with some notable exceptions of course ~ he added quickly before they read this)
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Online Barman

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2007, 03:00:35 PM »
As a matter of interest, you have seen the cat since you went to the dump have you?  whistle:

We had part of a hedgehog in our pool yesterday ? I suspect one of the cats?   cussing:
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Offline Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2007, 03:19:46 PM »
Quote from: Barman on July 15, 2007, 03:00:35 PM
As a matter of interest, you have seen the cat since you went to the dump have you?  whistle:

We had part of a hedgehog in our pool yesterday ? I suspect one of the cats?   cussing:


Part of a hedgehog? Part of a hedgehog!?? . . and you suspect the cat????  eeek: Has anyone ever pointed out that if the 'cat' weighs best part of half a ton and stands about 3 feet high, it is probably a lion or somesuch?

I know of no generally kept domestic animal that can take on a hedgepig and dismember it. Cars can do it, but domestic animals, NO!

I regularly have to remove them from our garden where they are annoying the K9s by rolling into a ball and pricking them. It takes stout gardening or oven gloves to remove said creature.
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Online Barman

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #10 on: July 15, 2007, 03:25:34 PM »
Quote from: Marleys Ghost on July 15, 2007, 03:19:46 PM
Quote from: Barman on July 15, 2007, 03:00:35 PM
As a matter of interest, you have seen the cat since you went to the dump have you?  whistle:

We had part of a hedgehog in our pool yesterday ? I suspect one of the cats?   cussing:


Part of a hedgehog? Part of a hedgehog!?? . . and you suspect the cat????  eeek: Has anyone ever pointed out that if the 'cat' weighs best part of half a ton and stands about 3 feet high, it is probably a lion or somesuch?

I know of no generally kept domestic animal that can take on a hedgepig and dismember it. Cars can do it, but domestic animals, NO!

I regularly have to remove them from our garden where they are annoying the K9s by rolling into a ball and pricking them. It takes stout gardening or oven gloves to remove said creature.
Well, there was a piece of hedgehog skin and now the pool is full of spiky things ? perhaps a vulture dropped it?  shrugs:
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Misunderstood

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #11 on: July 15, 2007, 03:29:14 PM »
Vultures?

Umm!  I suppose they had to settle for something seeing as you ran away.     ;)
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Offline Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #12 on: July 15, 2007, 03:45:52 PM »
Quote from: Barman on July 15, 2007, 03:25:34 PM
Quote from: Marleys Ghost on July 15, 2007, 03:19:46 PM
Quote from: Barman on July 15, 2007, 03:00:35 PM
As a matter of interest, you have seen the cat since you went to the dump have you?  whistle:

We had part of a hedgehog in our pool yesterday ? I suspect one of the cats?   cussing:


Part of a hedgehog? Part of a hedgehog!?? . . and you suspect the cat????  eeek: Has anyone ever pointed out that if the 'cat' weighs best part of half a ton and stands about 3 feet high, it is probably a lion or somesuch?

I know of no generally kept domestic animal that can take on a hedgepig and dismember it. Cars can do it, but domestic animals, NO!

I regularly have to remove them from our garden where they are annoying the K9s by rolling into a ball and pricking them. It takes stout gardening or oven gloves to remove said creature.
Well, there was a piece of hedgehog skin and now the pool is full of spiky things ? perhaps a vulture dropped it?  shrugs:

Entirely possible I'd say. Take one roadkill hedgepig, marauding local vulture, pissed off 'cos Barmans done a runner, spots said roadkill and goes for the (rather flat by now) jugular of hedgepig. On flying away, spots Barman near pool and drops hedgepig remains in shock.

It now is both hungry and exceedingly pissed off for two reasons: it has lost its dinner and realises that it's been 'done over like a kipper' by Barman, who clearly hasn't done a runner.

Beware Barman, he is out for revenge!
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Offline Landlady

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2007, 04:43:29 PM »

Can fully back up Barman here (despite cries of disbelief) in that there were bits (some large and some small) of hedgepig (thought I was the only one who said that  ;)) in the pool and have been picking quills out of the liner today

We have three cats and one dog at TLHOTP ? all adopted orphans from over the past few years.

Cat 1 name = Stinky
Cat 2 name = Piggy
Cat 3 name = Tigger
Dog 1 name = Skeelos
 

Tigger (cat 3)  ? gave me something close to heart failure recently when Barman was reclining in his nursey nursey hotel by bringing me in a present when I was talking to our daughter on the telephone late one evening last week.

The present (not noticed immediately) was a snake which he began gaily flinging around the kitchen???.. Once cat was caught and placed in safe room I then took fork and plate (as one does) along with pink pedal bin liner??.tipped snake onto plate with fork and popped in PPBL and tied (tightly) ? placed snake in PPBL in utility room and locked door.

Thought more about it and then placed PPBL in Tupperware box and sealed lid ? then returned PPBL in TWB back in utility room and locked door.

Thought some more about it and then placed iron on top of TWB containing PPBL and snake and (again obviously) locked the door.

 Thought NO MORE about it until late the following afternoon when happened to be going to the vets to collect the dog (who?s got a bad ear at the moment thanks for asking) and thought it would be a good idea to take the TWB with PPBL and snake to the vet so he could identify it.

Happened on the way out to bump into a friend who said ?oh what have you got there? so explained and he then said ?oh can I have a look because I know most of the snake types here and I like them? ? oh okay says I.

Give him the TWB with PPBL and snake and he opens it up and GUESS WHAT ? the snake lives  scared2: scared2: scared2:


Friend then agreed to free snake far away from TLHOTP but also confirmed that it was a coin snake and not poisonous --- oh that makes it all better !!
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Offline Marley's Ghost (Imbiber of Spirits)

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Re: Domestic Disasters
« Reply #14 on: July 15, 2007, 04:57:06 PM »
Quote from: Landlady on July 15, 2007, 04:43:29 PM

Can fully back up Barman here (despite cries of disbelief) in that there were bits (some large and some small) of hedgepig (thought I was the only one who said that  ;)) in the pool and have been picking quills out of the liner today

We have three cats and one dog at TLHOTP ? all adopted orphans from over the past few years.

Cat 1 name = Stinky
Cat 2 name = Piggy
Cat 3 name = Tigger
Dog 1 name = Skeelos
 

Tigger (cat 3)  ? gave me something close to heart failure recently when Barman was reclining in his nursey nursey hotel by bringing me in a present when I was talking to our daughter on the telephone late one evening last week.

The present (not noticed immediately) was a snake which he began gaily flinging around the kitchen???.. Once cat was caught and placed in safe room I then took fork and plate (as one does) along with pink pedal bin liner??.tipped snake onto plate with fork and popped in PPBL and tied (tightly) ? placed snake in PPBL in utility room and locked door.

Thought more about it and then placed PPBL in Tupperware box and sealed lid ? then returned PPBL in TWB back in utility room and locked door.

Thought some more about it and then placed iron on top of TWB containing PPBL and snake and (again obviously) locked the door.

 Thought NO MORE about it until late the following afternoon when happened to be going to the vets to collect the dog (who?s got a bad ear at the moment thanks for asking) and thought it would be a good idea to take the TWB with PPBL and snake to the vet so he could identify it.

Happened on the way out to bump into a friend who said ?oh what have you got there? so explained and he then said ?oh can I have a look because I know most of the snake types here and I like them? ? oh okay says I.

Give him the TWB with PPBL and snake and he opens it up and GUESS WHAT ? the snake lives  scared2: scared2: scared2:


Friend then agreed to free snake far away from TLHOTP but also confirmed that it was a coin snake and not poisonous --- oh that makes it all better !!

You have a liner in your pool??  eeek:  One of these perchance?:

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"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." 

Well, someone had to say it!
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