Look away now!

[Snoopy]

Thank you very much BM ~ Leave your name with the stage manager .....We'll let you know  

[Snoopy]

Rather unpleasant, but I think I have piles. Any advice?

I hate to ask but what makes you think this? If you haven't suffered from them before it is unlikely to have developed over night.

Symptoms would include at least one of: Rectal Bleeding (see toilet paper), an internal itching that you just cannot reach and an obvious (in extreme cases) "bunch of grapes" dangling when you try to wipe.

Whatever ~ take it to the doctor.

I speak as one who has suffered and is now "cured".

[Uncle Mort]

I see you concur with my earlier comment Snoopy.

Nick. best to get checked out.

[Snoopy]

I see you concur with my earlier comment Snoopy.

Nick. best to get checked out.

Indeed Uncle ... but with some you need to hammer the message in 

[The Moan Ranger]

Easily cured with a bottle of Jeyes fluid and a wire brush.

[Snoopy]

He won't like it up 'im Captain Mainwaring

[Barman]

Easily cured with a bottle of Jeyes fluid and a wire brush.

That made my eyes water... 

[Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)]

Good for bags under your eyes as well 

I would imagine that piles would indeed give you bags under your eyes!

[Pirate]

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers in the sick bay went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front line, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.

He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front line, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.

He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!

[Barman]

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers in the sick bay went to one private and asked, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front line, Sir."
"Good man," said the Major.

He went to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir."
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front line, Sir."
"Good man," barked the Major.

He moved to the next bed, "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!

 

[Bar Wench]

How does one cure it? Are they lasered or somthink?

[Snoopy]

Sometimes. Cauterized would be a better description.

[Barman]

 

[Bar Wench]

So they stick a flaming poker up your arse? 

[Barman]

So they stick a flaming poker up your arse? 

Better than sticking it down your throat I suppose...