VP's Christmas Carols

[Snoopy]

The first "No Ale!" the Barman did shout
Was to frighten poor travellers and keep them out.
So they settled them down in a nearby field
And upon the pub door they kept their eyes peeled.
"No Ale, No Beer and no bottles of Light
I'll not have you in here, 'cos you're all bloody shite"

So they hitched up their vans and away they did go
Leaving piles of old iron and some ponies that shivered in the snow.
The Barman he said that he cared not a jot
About the takings being down as he poured himself a tot.
"No Ale, No Beer and no bottles of Light
I'll not have you in here, 'cos you're all bloody shite"

Then from the East by the light of a star
He spied Nick approaching ... without his car.
But in triumph bearing Miss C's dongle and his missing car key
Nick cried out to the landlord "I've found them, the drinks are on me"
"I've Ale, I've Beer and bottles of Light"
And Tipsy slipped in through the side door like a sprite.

Now let us all with one accord
Sing praises to our miserly Landlord
For he hath kept out the Gypos and other such trash
Despite the effects this might have had on his cash
"There's Ale, There's Beer and even bottles of Light
Enough booze is on offer to see out the night".

[Barman]

 

[Snoopy]

Shucks! 

[Darwins Selection]

Good Queen Wenchy last looked out
On the feats of Barman
Bits of car lay round about
For LLs homecoming
Brightly shone his scalp that night
Though her rage was cruel
When that Nick bloke drove in sight
Running out of fuel

“Hither Tipsy, on my knee
Please excuse the swelling
Go and fill that peasant with
Red diesel that you’re selling”
“Sire he wants to pay by cheque
And his debt is mounting
I said only cash will do
As his card is bouncing”

“Bring me Snoopy, he will know
How to sort this problem
Thou and I will let him go
Nick will never stop him”
Man and beagle forth they went
Out into the weather.
Sensible folk stayed inside
For a drink and blether

“JOM, there is a lot of snow
And the wind blows stronger
Don your yellow jacket now.
Can’t wait any longer”
“My nice dinner will get cold”
Said the jolly road man
“Pirate’s keen and not so old
Let him take the white van”

Then in the weary Pastis trod
Followed by the Misses
C and D you silly sod
Both were slightly pissed
“Drinks all round”, said TMR
Wealth and rank possessing
“Heres to all the VP nuts,
Have my Christmas blessing”

[Barman]

 

 

[Barman]

Good old barman had a shout
In the pub one evening
All the members lounged about
None of them were leaving
Come on you lot
Time to go
I’ve got stuff to do-oo
Emptying the a-ash-trays
And cleaning laydees loo-oo-oo

Wenchy she was not impressed
She wanted a lock-in
She had donned her Sunday best
Even wore her stock-ings
Come on Barman lock us in
Then bake us some ca-akes
We’ll have great fun
Just you see
Laugh until we a-a-aches

Tipsy she was up for it
Brightly painted na-els
No more bitmac on her truck
Gayer sent to Wa-els
Pour me out some Cinzano
Add a little broll-ee
I am staying ‘til the dawn
I’ve got loads of lo-o-leee

Barman could not believe his luck
At last a customer pay-ing
One half one pint one Talisker
One bottle of cham-pay-een
The pub is was a bustle-ing
Everyone had fu-un
They partied til the early hours
And left there one by one-un-un

[Snoopy]

What have we created here Igor?

[apc2010]

 

[miss Tchevious]

 


Rocking around the Christmas tree
As the Bar Man makes a drink,
Pouring Colapso by the pint,
Giving dear LL a wink

Rocking around the Christmas tree
Baldy goes to court today,
A pint of cider's on the bar
to wash his legal woes away.


You will get a sentimental feeling, when you hear,
"Nick we're sorry we all kno-ow,
You've got hookers down below-ow-ow"


Rocking around the Christmas tree
As Darwin buys a round,
Knocking back whiskey telling you
to buy his turnips by the pound.

Rocking around the Christmas tree
As Miss C has a ball,
Bar Man thank you for the drinks
Merry Chrit-mas - to - you aaaaalllllllllllllllll!!!!!!


 

[Barman]

 

[miss Tchevious]

 

[Barman]

Oh, come, all ye drinkers, boisterous and thirsty,
Oh, come ye, oh, come ye, to the Virtual Pub.
Come and mock Him, Barman the bald one;

Refrain:
Oh, come, let us mock Him, oh, come, let us mock Him,
Oh come, let us mock Him, Barman the bald.

Play lots of pub games, enjoy CluedOpoly;
Swap jokes and stories, tell us wot you ate!
Glory to Barman, fingers in the till;

Yea, Nick brings chaos, each and every day;
Jesus, can’t he get anything right;
Word of his coming sends the punters running;

[miss Tchevious]

to the tune of jingle bells...



he is bald, he is bald, he has got no hair
but he hosts the best forum of which i am aware

hey!

he makes drinks and makes us laugh each and every day
it's the only pub i use where i don't have to pay.

[Barman]

to the tune of jingle bells...



he is bald, he is bald, he has got no hair
but he hosts the best forum of which i am aware

hey!

he makes drinks and makes us laugh each and every day
it's the only pub i use where i don't have to pay.

 

[Grumpmeister]

Oh LL language is frightful
BM's gift was not delightful
She's lookiing for things to throw
Better go, better go, better go.