Last night I went to bed with some slap on. Mr C is away on a blokey course this weekend. Didn't want him to come find me in a mess if I croaked during the night.
You daft old trout.
It never ceases to amaze me what women expect men to think or do, and vice versa.
Just continue being what passes for normal in your case and stop looking out for the reaper.
Get out there and photograph some slugs and buzzards or something.