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Author Topic: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread  (Read 247629 times)

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Offline Snoopy

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #300 on: July 21, 2011, 04:25:21 AM »
It's a whole different world at 4 am. noooo:
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #301 on: July 21, 2011, 08:37:31 AM »
As you all know Gatwick is next to Crawley. And some of you might think that Crawley is a "nice place". 23,000 people work at Gatwick - the majority from Crawley.

I am beginning to think that Crawley is somehow a portal to Norfolk - I cannot believe the number of mongs, crossed-eyed fuckwits, thugs and troupes of the "hard-of-thinking" inhabit the place. "Hello, uncle dad" is an oft heard phrase. 

Crawley is creepy.
I mostly despair

Offline Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #302 on: July 21, 2011, 09:52:49 AM »
 drumroll:
I have always thought that the worst thing about drowning was having to call 'help!' You must look such a fool. It's put me against drowning.
J Basil Boothroyd

Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #303 on: July 23, 2011, 02:06:06 AM »
Last off-load of the night landed at 01.11 - from Larnaca. 148 bleedin' bags and 3 wheelchairs. And it was pissing down at Gatwick so the bags were like bars of soap.

Horrible  evil:

Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #304 on: July 23, 2011, 06:08:22 AM »
 happy100

They are slippery sods those residents of Cyprus  ;)
Skubber

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #305 on: July 23, 2011, 10:28:58 AM »
happy100

They are slippery sods those residents of Cyprus  ;)
Tsk. While they are powerless to defend themselves.
 noooo:
I mostly despair

Offline apc2010

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #306 on: July 23, 2011, 11:50:13 AM »
happy100

They are slippery sods those residents of Cyprus  ;)
Tsk. While they are powerless to defend themselves.
 noooo:

 drumroll:

 evil:

Offline Barman

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #307 on: July 23, 2011, 01:11:39 PM »
happy100

They are slippery sods those residents of Cyprus  ;)
Tsk. While they are powerless to defend themselves.
 noooo:

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #308 on: August 15, 2011, 03:30:30 AM »
Well, another interesting day on "the ramp".

Started off by hoping to meet Miss D in the South Terminal, but our paths didn't cross. I spent the first 50 minutes in the crew room drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. Then I got the call "TMR please". Up to the allocator's window I went and was handed a job - Barcelona in / Porto out. Whoa! Up until now, I've only been a Team Leader on straight forward offloads, as there is a lot less responsibility - you're simply chocking, coning, powering-up a plane and getting all the bags to reclaim. In a plane turnaround, the Team Leader is responsible for ensuring the plane goes out again with all the right bags in it. Two of the Supervisors were going to join at the end - one on the headset to the pilot and one in the push-back tug, to push the plane off the stand onto the taxiway. Everything else was my responsibility.

It didn't start off well. One of the newbies - Suki - is, erm, a bit absent-minded and thus it was that the plane came on to the stand and rather than wait for the engines to spool down, off he merrily went putting the cones round the plane narrowly getting ingested into a CFM-56 engine. After that scare, the rest went fine - 118 bags off and 107 loaded. As Team Leader, I chucked them on the loading belt (ensuring correct destination, flight number and date on each tag) and then signed the "trim" detailing how many bags were in each of the 3 holds. This is then countersigned by the pilot. The 2 supervisors then arrived and the plane went off. Total turnaround time 33 minutes.

Back to the crew room - where I lambasted Suki for nearly becoming Suki mince. He's only young and just laughed. I wasn't impressed.
I was then sent off on another job and the rest of the night followed the usual pattern right up until the moment that Nigel, during an Edinburgh offload decided to headbutt an unyielding piece of metal in baggage reclaim. Claret everywhere. Not good. Being a good egg, he laughed it off and just said he wanted scars on his head like me.

Last offload was a biggie from Paphos and once we had finished I radioed in and was told to go back to base "for a chat". Oh gawd - I assumed it was to fill out accident forms an suchlike, but no, the chat was a very quiet "we need 3 people to stay on tonight, do you want it?" I obviously said yes and nominated Nigel, who was also up for it. "What about Suki - he's usually up for it?" I asked. "We sent him home earlier, after his incident. He may not be back." Ah...

The next plane in was from Palma Mallorca. At the time, there was only me and Nigel available, we were waiting for a 3rd person, but none had finished the jobs they were on. "No problem, Nige and me will do it." And so we did, just Nige and me. The plane stopped at stand 58 at 02.03 and at 02.27 the last of the 103 bags hit the reclaim belt. I radioed it in was was told "RTB (return to base) which we did. We arrived back at base at 02.32 and were told "We've put you down for 2 hours overtime each, thanks for your help now fu@k off home". Splendid, 2 hours overtime for just over an extra 1/2 hour's work. One of those every day would be nice...

Offline Snoopy

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #309 on: August 15, 2011, 05:16:40 AM »
 :thumbsup: Top Man TMR
I used to have a handle on life but it broke.

Offline Barman

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #310 on: August 15, 2011, 05:34:15 AM »
TMR! worthy:
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Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #311 on: August 16, 2011, 02:07:32 AM »
Tonight was guns. And transvestites.  Four guns off a flight from Malaga. You obviously just chuck 'em on the baggage reclaim belt, so I had to carry them through and present them in the "red channel" at customs, where they would be reunited with their owner, once he provided the requisite forms. It's only 100 yards from the red channel to the outside world, so once I'd dumped the guns with the Customs numpty, I naurally went straight outside for a couple of ciggies whilst the other two in my team unloaded the rest of the bags :-)

Whilst outside, an elderly gentleman approached me (this happens a lot if you're wearing a hi-viz at the airport) and asked me for directions to the "Sofitel". "My lady friend are staying the night before we head off to Cornwall" said he. He then pointed out his "lady friend". Who was about 6 foot 2, with a pronounced adam's apple and a five o'clock shadow barely obscured by trowel-loads of foundation. A long blonde peroxide wig, high-heels and micro skirt completed the look.

I'm afraid I burst out laughing and wandered back in to the terminal, I do hope it wasn't a first date!

Offline Barman

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #312 on: August 16, 2011, 04:54:59 AM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #313 on: August 16, 2011, 07:06:00 AM »
Tonight was guns. And transvestites.  Four guns off a flight from Malaga. You obviously just chuck 'em on the baggage reclaim belt, so I had to carry them through and present them in the "red channel" at customs, where they would be reunited with their owner, once he provided the requisite forms. It's only 100 yards from the red channel to the outside world, so once I'd dumped the guns with the Customs numpty, I naurally went straight outside for a couple of ciggies whilst the other two in my team unloaded the rest of the bags :-)

Whilst outside, an elderly gentleman approached me (this happens a lot if you're wearing a hi-viz at the airport) and asked me for directions to the "Sofitel". "My lady friend are staying the night before we head off to Cornwall" said he. He then pointed out his "lady friend". Who was about 6 foot 2, with a pronounced adam's apple and a five o'clock shadow barely obscured by trowel-loads of foundation. A long blonde peroxide wig, high-heels and micro skirt completed the look.

I'm afraid I burst out laughing and wandered back in to the terminal, I do hope it wasn't a first date!

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Miss Creant Commander of the picklement and baking BAb(Hons)

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Re: TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread
« Reply #314 on: August 16, 2011, 07:46:43 AM »
I'm sorry TMR but you are going to have to stay in this job for life, if only for the entertainment  value.  lol: lol: lol:
I have always thought that the worst thing about drowning was having to call 'help!' You must look such a fool. It's put me against drowning.
J Basil Boothroyd