TMR's all new "Tales from the Underworld" thread

[apc2010]

As is traditional on my last day of shift, I get a lift back to the staff car park when I've finished, rather than suffer the meandering staff bus. It means I get back to my "new" kraut oil-burner 10 minutes earlier and this can make quite a difference in avoiding the worst of the A23 traffic.

The route from the North Terminal baggage hall or "Personal Effects Sortation Team (PEST)", as I call it, takes us South through the airside roads, past Pier 3, 2 and the new Pier 1, across 1 live taxiway, past the "Stillage" where all the spare baggagee bins and carts are stored and finally out through the South Security gates.

As I luxuriated in the warmth of the company Ford Focus, my driver commenting on the level of fuckwittery displayed by some of our new starters, I noticed movement within the Stillage. My driver clocked it too.

A woman. Holding a baby.

1/4 a mile away from the South Security gates, from which lots of flashing lights were suddenly heading our way.

My driver and I swung in to the Stillage and jumped out, cornering the miscreant.  As we approached her she darted left, right and realising she had nowhere to go, she did the only thing she could. She threw her baby. At me.

As a full-back in rugby, I've never dropped a ball. But I dropped this one 

Security then arrived, checked our security passes and told us to leave.

I'm drinking beer now.

No drop goal......

[Nick]

A babby

[The Moan Ranger]

As is traditional on my last day of shift, I get a lift back to the staff car park when I've finished, rather than suffer the meandering staff bus. It means I get back to my "new" kraut oil-burner 10 minutes earlier and this can make quite a difference in avoiding the worst of the A23 traffic.

The route from the North Terminal baggage hall or "Personal Effects Sortation Team (PEST)", as I call it, takes us South through the airside roads, past Pier 3, 2 and the new Pier 1, across 1 live taxiway, past the "Stillage" where all the spare baggagee bins and carts are stored and finally out through the South Security gates.

As I luxuriated in the warmth of the company Ford Focus, my driver commenting on the level of fuckwittery displayed by some of our new starters, I noticed movement within the Stillage. My driver clocked it too.

A woman. Holding a baby.

1/4 a mile away from the South Security gates, from which lots of flashing lights were suddenly heading our way.

My driver and I swung in to the Stillage and jumped out, cornering the miscreant.  As we approached her she darted left, right and realising she had nowhere to go, she did the only thing she could. She threw her baby. At me.

As a full-back in rugby, I've never dropped a ball. But I dropped this one 

Security then arrived, checked our security passes and told us to leave.

I'm drinking beer now.

No drop goal......

The only posts would have been the Norwegian Dreamliner that was just about to land. That was 200 yards away and that's beyond my range. But it did bounce up nicely off the concrete, not surprising as it was a plastic doll. Still drinking beer. Will probably drink lots.

[Nick]

 

[Barman]

 

[The Moan Ranger]

  Indeed. A 2001 Ford Fiesta can smash through the security gates and get that close to the busiest single runway in the world. Imagine if it was not a doll, but a SAM. Or a stronger car - could have easily made it to anywhere in the South Terminal.

[Nick]

 

[apc2010]

  Indeed. A 2001 Ford Fiesta can smash through the security gates and get that close to the busiest single runway in the world. Imagine if it was not a doll, but a SAM. Or a stronger car - could have easily made it to anywhere in the South Terminal.

They what ??? you didn't mention that ........

[The Moan Ranger]

  Indeed. A 2001 Ford Fiesta can smash through the security gates and get that close to the busiest single runway in the world. Imagine if it was not a doll, but a SAM. Or a stronger car - could have easily made it to anywhere in the South Terminal.

They what ??? you didn't mention that ........

She drove straight through the "security" gates (kind of things at a railway crossing) and probably only because her car so was old and knackered it stopped, steam pissing out of it before she legged it. Normally, it is mainly used by the catering trucks that come in.

Now, if she was in one of those...

Many of these catering trucks come from a unit right beside "Brook House" that was featured in Panorama about 2 months ago.

Time to install machine-gun nests methinks.

[apc2010]

  Indeed. A 2001 Ford Fiesta can smash through the security gates and get that close to the busiest single runway in the world. Imagine if it was not a doll, but a SAM. Or a stronger car - could have easily made it to anywhere in the South Terminal.

They what ??? you didn't mention that ........

She drove straight through the "security" gates (kind of things at a railway crossing) and probably only because her car so was old and knackered it stopped, steam pissing out of it before she legged it. Normally, it is mainly used by the catering trucks that come in.

Now, if she was in one of those...

Many of these catering trucks come from a unit right beside "Brook House" that was featured in Panorama about 2 months ago.

Time to install machine-gun nests methinks.

 

[The Moan Ranger]

And then there's the (now ex) member of staff who had been there 3 years and was arrested on an International Arrest Warrant for being a major drugs dealer as he has 2 Passports - a British one and a Nigerian one. He was employed on the basis of his British one, but eventually was caught due his Nigerian one, when he flew home to visit his terminally ill father, again.

From Croydon, natch.

[apc2010]

And then there's the (now ex) member of staff who had been there 3 years and was arrested on an International Arrest Warrant for being a major drugs dealer as he has 2 Passports - a British one and a Nigerian one. He was employed on the basis of his British one, but eventually was caught due his Nigerian one, when he flew home to visit his terminally ill father, again.

From Croydon, natch.

 

Darkies ..

[Steve]

    TMR

[Darwins Selection]

And then there's the (now ex) member of staff who had been there 3 years and was arrested on an International Arrest Warrant for being a major drugs dealer as he has 2 Passports - a British one and a Nigerian one. He was employed on the basis of his British one, but eventually was caught due his Nigerian one, when he flew home to visit his terminally ill father, again.

From Croydon, natch.

Black Friday. 

[apc2010]

And then there's the (now ex) member of staff who had been there 3 years and was arrested on an International Arrest Warrant for being a major drugs dealer as he has 2 Passports - a British one and a Nigerian one. He was employed on the basis of his British one, but eventually was caught due his Nigerian one, when he flew home to visit his terminally ill father, again.

From Croydon, natch.

Black Friday.