Rugby gag

[The Moan Ranger]

Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.  Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."

"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's rugby in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play rugby all we want,
and we never get tired."   That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's
the bad news?

"You're in the team for Tuesday."

[Snoopy]

 

[Barman]

Excellent! 

[The Moan Ranger]

And the way I'm feeling at the moment, I may be pulling my shorts on by Saturday...

[Barman]

And the way I'm feeling at the moment, I may be pulling my shorts on by Saturday...

Wassssuuuuppp?

[The Moan Ranger]

Nothing that a few more pints might cure - time to go and try.

I am an Englishman, a trooper and a smoker. I will die when I am good and ready, not before.

[Barman]

Well, before you shed your mortal coil make sure we have all your jokes like the above? and your ?bike. 

[Snoopy]

Down in the valley Pontypandy XV are due to play Llareggub XV one Saturday afternoon.
The Revd Trefor Williams-Jones is to referee the match.
Shortly after kick off he awards a penalty to Pontypandy and up steps their number 10 to take the kick.
After the usual preparation, tossing a handfull of grass into the wind etc the number 10 kicks for goal, slices the ball badly and it sails harmlessly into the crowd close to the corner flag. "Bloody 'ell" exclaims the kicker.
The Revd Williams-Jones is straight in there. Calls the Number 10 over and gives him a class A dressing down about the use of bad language on the field of play.
Ten minutes later Pontypandy score a try and the Number 10 steps up to take the conversion kick. This time he hooks the ball and misses what should have been a straightforward conversion. "Bloody 'ell" he shouts and the Revd Williams-Jones is there again. "Look boyo" he says "I've told you once, this is your last warning. Anymore bad language and you're in the bin for ten minutes." "Sorry Ref" says the Number 10 "I can't help it you know ~ it just sort of comes out with the frustration". "Next time you feel the need for such language" lectures the Revd "ask the Lord for help and you will find there is no need to swear"
The match progresses and with 10 seconds to go and the score at 15 points each the Number 10 is called upon to kick another penalty .... It's make or break. Win or lose. He takes his time, places the ball, three strides and kicks ...... and the ball is heading towards the corner flag again. "Bloo..... "  and he see the Revd watching him closely. "Oh Lord help me" he cries and the sky instantly darkens, the ball curves through almost 90 degrees and with a crack of thunder passes straight between the posts.



And the Reverend Trefor Williams-Jones said "BLOODY 'ELL"

[Barman]

Down in the valley Pontypandy XV are due to play Llareggub XV one Saturday afternoon.
The Revd Trefor Williams-Jones is to referee the match.
Shortly after kick off he awards a penalty to Pontypandy and up steps their number 10 to take the kick.
After the usual preparation, tossing a handfull of grass into the wind etc the number 10 kicks for goal, slices the ball badly and it sails harmlessly into the crowd close to the corner flag. "Bloody 'ell" exclaims the kicker.
The Revd Williams-Jones is straight in there. Calls the Number 10 over and gives him a class A dressing down about the use of bad language on the field of play.
Ten minutes later Pontypandy score a try and the Number 10 steps up to take the conversion kick. This time he hooks the ball and misses what should have been a straightforward conversion. "Bloody 'ell" he shouts and the Revd Williams-Jones is there again. "Look boyo" he says "I've told you once, this is your last warning. Anymore bad language and you're in the bin for ten minutes." "Sorry Ref" says the Number 10 "I can't help it you know ~ it just sort of comes out with the frustration". "Next time you feel the need for such language" lectures the Revd "ask the Lord for help and you will find there is no need to swear"
The match progresses and with 10 seconds to go and the score at 15 points each the Number 10 is called upon to kick another penalty .... It's make or break. Win or lose. He takes his time, places the ball, three strides and kicks ...... and the ball is heading towards the corner flag again. "Bloo..... "  and he see the Revd watching him closely. "Oh Lord help me" he cries and the sky instantly darkens, the ball curves through almost 90 degrees and with a crack of thunder passes straight between the posts.



And the Reverend Trefor Williams-Jones said "BLOODY 'ELL"

[The Moan Ranger]

Well, before you shed your mortal coil make sure we have all your jokes like the above? and your ?bike. 

A few pints of Young's last night, some lovely nosh in front of the Top Gear special and was up and in early thisd morning.

After that, I came into work 

[Barman]

Well, before you shed your mortal coil make sure we have all your jokes like the above? and your ?bike. 

A few pints of Young's last night, some lovely nosh in front of the Top Gear special and was up and in early thisd morning.

After that, I came into work 

Bugger... 


That was an exclamation by the way, not a question?

[Bar Wench]

That Top Gear special was entertaining though! 

[Barman]

That Top Gear special was entertaining though! 

I couldn?t watch it due to atmospheric conditions? 

[The Moan Ranger]

That Top Gear special was entertaining though! 

It's a car thing though - you shuld concern yourself only with matters of the kitchen/bedroom. The focus of the program was not cuddly ickle white bears, but a gangly Northern git with silly hair and a gangly West Coaster in a Nipponese car, against a Brum and some hounds.

Now, back to your recipes Wench...

[Snoopy]

That Top Gear special was entertaining though! 

It's a car thing though - you shuld concern yourself only with matters of the kitchen/bedroom. The focus of the program was not cuddly ickle white bears, but a gangly Northern git with silly hair and a gangly West Coaster in a Nipponese car, against a Brum and some hounds.

Now, back to your recipes Wench...

Spoken like a man who knows the reason Brides wear white ~ to match the kitchen appliances!