Material for apc

[Just One More]

A bloke sat in his armchair & shouts to his wife........ "when I die I’m going to leave everything to you love!"

She shouts back.... "you already do you lazy bastard !! "

[Baldy]

 

[The Moan Ranger]

I was in the library noisily eating a kebab when the librarian said to me, "Shhhushhh."

I replied, "No it's Doner."

[Barman]

Andy Murray will be fine. The British love people who cry after losing something.

Just look at Gazza, Stuart Pearce, and the McCanns.

 

[Just One More]

[apc2010]

Gonna use that ..............

[Miss Demeanour]

There's a surprise 

I bet JOM can afford a holiday home with all the commission he's earning 

[Grumpmeister]

I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper, "Don't be silly borrow my Ipad"







Feckin spider never knew what hit it. 

[apc2010]

I asked my girlfriend to get me a newspaper, "Don't be silly borrow my Ipad"







Feckin spider never knew what hit it. 

New affs .............             but will still use it ......on sundat night ..........

[Baldy]

I've opened a bakery recently and a lady phoned me up wanting a cake with 'I SUCK COCKS' written on it.

Mrs Cox was pissed off when I delivered it..... So was her son Isaac.

[Barman]

 

[Just One More]

A  woman walked into the kitchen to find  her husband stalking around with a fly  swatter
"What are you  doing?" She  asked.
"Hunting Flies" He  responded..
"Oh! Killing  any?" She  asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he  replied.
Intrigued,  she asked, "How  can you tell them apart?"
He  responded, "3  were on beer cans,    the other 2 were on the  phone.”

[Barman]

A  woman walked into the kitchen to find  her husband stalking around with a fly  swatter
"What are you  doing?" She  asked.
"Hunting Flies" He  responded..
"Oh! Killing  any?" She  asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he  replied.
Intrigued,  she asked, "How  can you tell them apart?"
He  responded, "3  were on beer cans,    the other 2 were on the  phone.”

[The Moan Ranger]

I got banned from Waterstone's today for moving all the 'Caution - Wet Floor' signs to the '50 Shades of Grey' shelf.

[Just One More]