Disgusterous

Author Topic: Material for apc  (Read 117358 times)

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Online Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #120 on: September 28, 2011, 07:04:41 AM »
So, Google has turned 13 today.

It's not the first time that a 13 year old has provided me with decent wanking material.

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #121 on: September 28, 2011, 07:08:36 AM »
After seeing the advert on TV last night featuring an African baby all covered in flies, I phoned the number on screen straight away to order one.

It looks like they work better than those sticky strips that you usually hang from the ceiling.

Online Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #122 on: September 28, 2011, 07:09:56 AM »
After seeing the advert on TV last night featuring an African baby all covered in flies, I phoned the number on screen straight away to order one.

It looks like they work better than those sticky strips that you usually hang from the ceiling.

happy001
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #123 on: September 28, 2011, 07:14:58 AM »
Some African bloke knocked at my door holding a bucket this afternoon.

He handed it to me and said "Can you fill this up with water?"

I said "Blimey, how many miles have you just walked for this?"

He said "None you cheeky cunt, I'm the new window cleaner."

Online Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #124 on: September 28, 2011, 07:51:54 AM »
Some African bloke knocked at my door holding a bucket this afternoon.

He handed it to me and said "Can you fill this up with water?"

I said "Blimey, how many miles have you just walked for this?"

He said "None you cheeky cunt, I'm the new window cleaner."

happy002
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #125 on: September 29, 2011, 12:02:56 AM »
So, Google has turned 13 today.

It's not the first time that a 13 year old has provided me with decent wanking material.

 lol: lol: lol:

That got a good reaction tonight ,,,,,,,, :thumbsup:

Offline Just One More

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #126 on: October 02, 2011, 10:16:10 PM »
I recently got chatting to a lass on an internet dating site.
As I quite like a girl to be 'curvy', I was really looking forward to meeting her when she told me she was a size 16.......


......never realised until I met her that she was talking about her f*****g feet!!!!   ;D




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Offline Nick

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #127 on: October 02, 2011, 10:44:12 PM »
 tunble:
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile

Offline Just One More

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #128 on: October 06, 2011, 06:01:55 AM »
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.  "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time!   I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband!  He'll be so pissed if it's not ready on time."   

When  she  got  home,  she  discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. With  no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it  with the lettuce leaf.   She  greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it. "Darling,  this  is  the  best  dinner  you've  made me in 40 years of marriage!  You can make this for me any day?"
 
Needless  to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified.
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed!?
 
Two  months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the clubhouse, and one of them said, "You killed him!
We  told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly  knowing you murdered your husband?"
 The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him.  He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his arse."
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Baldy

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #129 on: October 06, 2011, 06:48:39 AM »
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.  "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time!   I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband!  He'll be so pissed if it's not ready on time."   

When  she  got  home,  she  discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. With  no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it  with the lettuce leaf.   She  greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it. "Darling,  this  is  the  best  dinner  you've  made me in 40 years of marriage!  You can make this for me any day?"
 
Needless  to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified.
"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed!?
 
Two  months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the clubhouse, and one of them said, "You killed him!
We  told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly  knowing you murdered your husband?"
 The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him.  He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his arse."

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Just One More

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #130 on: October 08, 2011, 05:56:34 AM »
Over five thousand years ago Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovel, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the promised land."

Nearly 50 years ago, Harold Wilson said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a camel, this is the promised land."
 
Then Gordon Brown stole your shovel, taxed your arses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the promised land.
 
Now David Cameron has loaned my shovel to a third World country, (he hasn't realised yet that WE are now a third World country), raised my fuel bills, lent my money to a crowd of incompetent, greedy "merchant bankers" and increased VAT to 20%.

I am so depressed last night I called the Samaritans, they diverted my call to a call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited - and asked me if I could drive a truck.



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Online Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #131 on: October 08, 2011, 06:32:29 AM »
AFFS!  whistle:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #132 on: October 08, 2011, 07:02:43 AM »
Can we get the video ref to ajew adju decide?
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Online Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #133 on: October 08, 2011, 07:27:32 AM »
« Last Edit: October 08, 2011, 07:57:42 AM by Barman »
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Offline Miss Demeanour

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #134 on: October 08, 2011, 07:28:22 AM »
Can we get the video ref to ajew adju decide?

Max Headroom ?
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