The wimmins in 'ere will absolutely luuuurve these
1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
2 -What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there..
4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
5 - Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
6 - What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
7 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
8 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
9 - Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
10 - Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
11 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
12 - Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...
It's called a Wedding Cake.
OH HOW PIGGIN'TRUE is THAT ey? 
13 - Why do men die before their wives?
Because they want to.
