Material for apc

[Just One More]

Tom buys a Harley Davidson. The seller tells him, "Whenever it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome so it won't rust.
"That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. But just before they go in she says, "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do the dishes."
They sit down and no one says a word. As dinner goes on, Tom decides to test the situation. So he reaches over and grabs her tits. Nobody says a word.
So he stands up, rips her clothes off and screws her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word.
So he grabs the mum, bends her over the table and nails her, then sits down. But still, silence.
All of a sudden there's a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Tom remembers his bike, so he pulls out the vaseline. The dad jumps up and says, "For fuck sake, i'll do the dishes."

[Barman]

Tom buys a Harley Davidson. The seller tells him, "Whenever it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome so it won't rust.
"That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. But just before they go in she says, "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do the dishes."
They sit down and no one says a word. As dinner goes on, Tom decides to test the situation. So he reaches over and grabs her tits. Nobody says a word.
So he stands up, rips her clothes off and screws her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word.
So he grabs the mum, bends her over the table and nails her, then sits down. But still, silence.
All of a sudden there's a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Tom remembers his bike, so he pulls out the vaseline. The dad jumps up and says, "For fuck sake, i'll do the dishes."

AFFFS! 

[apc2010]

My Mum always used to say that if you don't have anything nice to say about somebody, then you shouldn't say anything at all. Well, I think Adolf Hitler was always very nicely turned out, Peter Sutcliffe always kept his beard nice and tidy; and Pol Pot was very nice to his mum.

 

and Ian Huntley was a good football supporter .........

[Just One More]

Tom buys a Harley Davidson. The seller tells him, "Whenever it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome so it won't rust.
"That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. But just before they go in she says, "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do the dishes."
They sit down and no one says a word. As dinner goes on, Tom decides to test the situation. So he reaches over and grabs her tits. Nobody says a word.
So he stands up, rips her clothes off and screws her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word.
So he grabs the mum, bends her over the table and nails her, then sits down. But still, silence.
All of a sudden there's a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Tom remembers his bike, so he pulls out the vaseline. The dad jumps up and says, "For fuck sake, i'll do the dishes."

AFFFS! 

It doesn't count if you put too many f's in it 

[Barman]

Tom buys a Harley Davidson. The seller tells him, "Whenever it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome so it won't rust.
"That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. But just before they go in she says, "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do the dishes."
They sit down and no one says a word. As dinner goes on, Tom decides to test the situation. So he reaches over and grabs her tits. Nobody says a word.
So he stands up, rips her clothes off and screws her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word.
So he grabs the mum, bends her over the table and nails her, then sits down. But still, silence.
All of a sudden there's a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Tom remembers his bike, so he pulls out the vaseline. The dad jumps up and says, "For fuck sake, i'll do the dishes."

AFFFS! 

It doesn't count if you put too many f's in it 

[apc2010]

Tom buys a Harley Davidson. The seller tells him, "Whenever it's going to rain, rub vaseline on the chrome so it won't rust.
"That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. But just before they go in she says, "I have to tell you, when we eat, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner, has to do the dishes."
They sit down and no one says a word. As dinner goes on, Tom decides to test the situation. So he reaches over and grabs her tits. Nobody says a word.
So he stands up, rips her clothes off and screws her right there, in front of her parents. But no one says a word.
So he grabs the mum, bends her over the table and nails her, then sits down. But still, silence.
All of a sudden there's a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Tom remembers his bike, so he pulls out the vaseline. The dad jumps up and says, "For fuck sake, i'll do the dishes."

AFFFS! 

It doesn't count if you put too many f's in it 

I get told off the too many Fs too........

[apc2010]

Had a guy come back on holiday to find me .......... .........he still remembers the Andres joke ...........

[Just One More]

Stalker alert, or sueing you for physcological damage   

[The Moan Ranger]

My doctor was checking my balls for any lumps the other day.

It got awkward when I ran my fingers through his hair.

[Barman]

My doctor was checking my balls for any lumps the other day.

It got awkward when I ran my fingers through his hair.

 

AFFS I think...? 

[Pirate]

HELP. . .

does anyone know how to cancel an eBay bid?

I made an offer for a Mickey Mouse outfit and now I'm 6 minutes away from owning Liverpool Football Club!

[apc2010]

HELP. . .

does anyone know how to cancel an eBay bid?

I made an offer for a Mickey Mouse outfit and now I'm 6 minutes away from owning Liverpool Football Club!

   and I can use any team..........

[apc2010]

I came home from work early today and caught my daughter masturbating with a cucumber.

"That's disgusting" I said, "I'm meant to be eating that tonight,


 now it's going to taste like salad."

[Pirate]

Tuna salad?

[Barman]

I came home from work early today and caught my daughter masturbating with a cucumber.

"That's disgusting" I said, "I'm meant to be eating that tonight,


 now it's going to taste like salad."

 

Although for me it is funnier if she says "Now it's going to taste like cucumber."