Author Topic: Material for apc  (Read 117319 times)

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Offline Just One More

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #480 on: August 18, 2012, 11:39:04 AM »
Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn't start, and it was too late to call the local garage. The husband urged Charlie to stay over. There was no spare bed in the house; there wasn't even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife.

No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife taped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. "I couldn't do that," he whispered. "Your husband is my best friend!"
"Listen, sugar," she whispered back, "there ain't nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now."
"I can't believe that," Charlie said. "Certainly if I get on top of you and screw you, he'll wake up won't he?
"Sugar, he certainly won't. If you don't believe me, pluck a hair out of his arsehole and see if that wakes him."

Charlie did just that. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife's side of the bed and fucked her. When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn't long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he pulled a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband's arsehole hairs.

The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: "Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don't mind you fucking my wife, but for Pete's sake, stop using my arse for a scoreboard!"
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #481 on: August 18, 2012, 08:02:09 PM »
 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #482 on: August 25, 2012, 09:09:21 PM »
My wife had a near death experience on sunday. Silly cow thought she could do the vacuuming while the rugby was on.



Just bought the wife some crotch-less knickers for halloween. Nothing sexual. Just gives her a much better grip on her broomstick.


My mate always cries after sex. Mind you he is in prison.


I treated the wife to one of those fish pedicures the other day. I must say i'm very pleased with the results. Those piranhas don't fuck about


Humped my best mates wife last night and today i feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.


That's the last time i use my Sean Connery accent to tell my wife to sit on my face.


At the 2012 olympics the 100m final was like any other Friday night in London . In the 100 metres final you heard a gun shot
followed by eight blacks legging it.
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #483 on: August 26, 2012, 05:42:17 AM »
happy001
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Offline Just One More

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #484 on: September 07, 2012, 08:26:57 PM »
My scouse mate has just got his kids a trampoline and bikes from the internet.
I asked which website he saw it on.
He replied

'Google earth'
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Baldy

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #485 on: September 07, 2012, 10:01:16 PM »
My scouse mate has just got his kids a trampoline and bikes from the internet.
I asked which website he saw it on.
He replied

'Google earth'

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #486 on: September 08, 2012, 05:21:18 AM »
My scouse mate has just got his kids a trampoline and bikes from the internet.
I asked which website he saw it on.
He replied

'Google earth'

happy001
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #487 on: September 10, 2012, 12:13:09 AM »
BTW some of these jokes offfend people as I have just found out .............. whistle:

Offline Nick

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #488 on: September 10, 2012, 12:16:37 AM »
 :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
Warning: May contain Skub
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Offline apc2010

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #489 on: September 10, 2012, 12:28:28 AM »
:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:


The sheep like ones .............who find racist n crap jokes fun............. noooo:     but the boss loves me  cloud9:  his jewish piano has never rung so much............

Offline The Moan Ranger

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #490 on: September 10, 2012, 01:55:24 AM »
A couple of weeks after embarrassing the Royal family with his Vegas pictures, Prince Harry has been deployed to Afghanistan.

Nice one Philip, that'll look a bit less suspicious than another car crash.

Offline Barman

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #491 on: September 10, 2012, 05:01:29 AM »
A couple of weeks after embarrassing the Royal family with his Vegas pictures, Prince Harry has been deployed to Afghanistan.

Nice one Philip, that'll look a bit less suspicious than another car crash.

 lol: lol: lol:
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Offline Baldy

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #492 on: September 10, 2012, 05:33:45 AM »
A couple of weeks after embarrassing the Royal family with his Vegas pictures, Prince Harry has been deployed to Afghanistan.

Nice one Philip, that'll look a bit less suspicious than another car crash.

 lol: lol: lol:

Offline Just One More

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #493 on: September 10, 2012, 07:46:56 AM »
 lol:  lol:  lol:  lol:
LiFe - It's an "F" in lie

Offline Darwins Selection

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Re: Material for apc
« Reply #494 on: September 10, 2012, 03:30:53 PM »
I must have still been thinking of the paralympics when I phoned a company to complain about a leaflet offering "Spas at bargain prices"

Apparently they sell some kind of bath for the garden.  redface:
I mostly despair