Material for apc

[apc2010]

I was in Turkey on holiday and came across one of those Turkish bath houses. They shaved with a solid steel stoneground razor from below the neckline, inside the ears, snipped out nose hairs, waxed off chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the arse crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub. Honestly, the wife's never looked so fucking good!

 

[boogs]

 

 
: How to Offend Everyone
 
* I'm living next door to a Muslim couple at the moment.
They have 3 little “brat” kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard,
So I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils !....
and if they want more tommorrow I will connect the outdoor hose to my hot water system.
 
* Can you spare just $5.00 ?
Ranjitu is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia .
He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles
 to School along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes And only 1 pedal..
If you send us just $5.00, we will send you the video- its hilarious.
 
 
* I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "Good morning
You ugly fucker."...... It's not yours is it ?
 
 
* I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations.
Just had one from the sperm bank.
 Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
 
 
* Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind.  I'm
Rather worried now that some of my buddies could be black.
If  you are, Can you delete my e-mail address ?
 
 
* There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market:
It’s called
 Trycoxagain.
 
 
*Was banned from the pub quiz last night, 
The question was......
 “where do women mostly have curly hair”  ?
 Apparently, it's
 Africa !
 

 
*Haven’t seen the wife for a few days,...... she told me I was no longer romantic and would like a nice night out, you know, book a table, something to eat and a few drinks for us on Valentine's Night.

 Apparently a couple of schooners and pies at the snooker table at the pub wasn’t what she had in mind.
 
   
*You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they
Drive slowly past
 schools.
 
*A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
 I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."

[apc2010]

 
: How to Offend Everyone
 
* I'm living next door to a Muslim couple at the moment.
They have 3 little “brat” kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard,
So I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils !....
and if they want more tommorrow I will connect the outdoor hose to my hot water system.
 
* Can you spare just $5.00 ?
Ranjitu is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia .
He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles
 to School along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes And only 1 pedal..
If you send us just $5.00, we will send you the video- its hilarious.
 
 
* I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "Good morning
You ugly fucker."...... It's not yours is it ?
 
 
* I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations.
Just had one from the sperm bank.
 Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
 
 
* Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind.  I'm
Rather worried now that some of my buddies could be black.
If  you are, Can you delete my e-mail address ?
 
 
* There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market:
It’s called
 Trycoxagain.
 
 
*Was banned from the pub quiz last night, 
The question was......
 “where do women mostly have curly hair”  ?
 Apparently, it's
 Africa !
 

 
*Haven’t seen the wife for a few days,...... she told me I was no longer romantic and would like a nice night out, you know, book a table, something to eat and a few drinks for us on Valentine's Night.

 Apparently a couple of schooners and pies at the snooker table at the pub wasn’t what she had in mind.
 
   
*You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they
Drive slowly past
 schools.
 
*A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
 I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."

Nearly all affs........

[boogs]

 
: How to Offend Everyone
 
* I'm living next door to a Muslim couple at the moment.
They have 3 little “brat” kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard,
So I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils !....
and if they want more tommorrow I will connect the outdoor hose to my hot water system.
 
* Can you spare just $5.00 ?
Ranjitu is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia .
He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles
 to School along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes And only 1 pedal..
If you send us just $5.00, we will send you the video- its hilarious.
 
 
* I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "Good morning
You ugly fucker."...... It's not yours is it ?
 
 
* I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations.
Just had one from the sperm bank.
 Boy, did I give her a mouthful.
 
 
* Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind.  I'm
Rather worried now that some of my buddies could be black.
If  you are, Can you delete my e-mail address ?
 
 
* There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market:
It’s called
 Trycoxagain.
 
 
*Was banned from the pub quiz last night, 
The question was......
 “where do women mostly have curly hair”  ?
 Apparently, it's
 Africa !
 

 
*Haven’t seen the wife for a few days,...... she told me I was no longer romantic and would like a nice night out, you know, book a table, something to eat and a few drinks for us on Valentine's Night.

 Apparently a couple of schooners and pies at the snooker table at the pub wasn’t what she had in mind.
 
   
*You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they
Drive slowly past
 schools.
 
*A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
 I said "How can you tell them apart?"
He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."

Nearly all affs........

 

[The Moan Ranger]

In recent months Pope Francis has said, "Who am I to judge homosexuals?", and also that atheists might get into Heaven.

Which begs the question, "Is the Pope a Catholic?"

[Tipsy Gipsy]

I was in Turkey on holiday and came across one of those Turkish bath houses. They shaved with a solid steel stoneground razor from below the neckline, inside the ears, snipped out nose hairs, waxed off chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the arse crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub. Honestly, the wife's never looked so fucking good!

EYEBROW THREADING NBC 10 SPECIAL

[Baldy]

I was in Turkey on holiday and came across one of those Turkish bath houses. They shaved with a solid steel stoneground razor from below the neckline, inside the ears, snipped out nose hairs, waxed off chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the arse crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub. Honestly, the wife's never looked so fucking good!

 

[Baldy]

In recent months Pope Francis has said, "Who am I to judge homosexuals?", and also that atheists might get into Heaven.

Which begs the question, "Is the Pope a Catholic?"

 

[Baldy]

I was in Turkey on holiday and came across one of those Turkish bath houses. They shaved with a solid steel stoneground razor from below the neckline, inside the ears, snipped out nose hairs, waxed off chest hairs and plucked all the hairs out of the arse crack, all finished off with a moustache trim and alcohol rub. Honestly, the wife's never looked so fucking good!

EYEBROW THREADING NBC 10 SPECIAL

 

[The Moan Ranger]

After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting horny.

"Look," says Bob, "Neither of us are gay, but if you pretend to be a woman for me, when I'm done, I'll pretend to be a woman for you."
Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob fucks him up the arse. When it's over, Geoff asks Bob for his go.


"Fuck off," Bob replies, "I've got a headache."

[Baldy]

After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting horny.

"Look," says Bob, "Neither of us are gay, but if you pretend to be a woman for me, when I'm done, I'll pretend to be a woman for you."
Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob fucks him up the arse. When it's over, Geoff asks Bob for his go.


"Fuck off," Bob replies, "I've got a headache."

 

[Just One More]

      

[Barman]

After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting horny.

"Look," says Bob, "Neither of us are gay, but if you pretend to be a woman for me, when I'm done, I'll pretend to be a woman for you."
Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob fucks him up the arse. When it's over, Geoff asks Bob for his go.


"Fuck off," Bob replies, "I've got a headache."

 

[Steve]

After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Geoff are getting horny.

"Look," says Bob, "Neither of us are gay, but if you pretend to be a woman for me, when I'm done, I'll pretend to be a woman for you."
Geoff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob fucks him up the arse. When it's over, Geoff asks Bob for his go.


"Fuck off," Bob replies, "I've got a headache."

 

[Just One More]

Channel 4 are said to be looking for someone to fill Carol Vorderman's shoes. I can only produce about a teaspoon at a time but I'm more than happy to give it go.