Unlikely conversations

[Miss Demeanour]

Ok  - conversations  you  never thought you would have ?

To those that may not be aware when my mother was ill last year she decided to order her own wicker coffin thing off  t’internet.  She measured her height standing up but apparently you need to add an inch or two when lying down !! 

So it wasn’t big enough  . Me and my brothers just bought a new one and the said to the undertaker to keep the old one and use it if you can .

Anyways my aunt phoned me yesterday . An unusual occurrence seeing as I haven’t spoken to her since the funeral. 

Usual customary polite questions then she launches into her purpose. Enquired as to what we did with the coffin that mum bought.  Told her we left  it with the undertaker to do with as he could.  She then asked if I thought he still had it ?

I was getting a bit bemused now and concerned that she was just about to announce her imminent demise.

But apparently she is just planning ahead and as she was an inch or so shorter than mum thought it would be ideal for her and that mum would like it to go to someone in the family 

I told her to ring the undertaker and check if he still had it.

30 minutes later I get a call back. She is delighted  . Yes they still have it and if it is ok with me she is going to go in today and try  it for size.  I was gobsmacked – but yes she is going to get in it and say “ oh yes this is lovely “ kind of thing .

She then said “ Oh I’ll pay you for it of course”  -  I just said make a donation to the hospice I don’t want any money for it .

I rang my brother and confirmed conversation – I cannot repeat the words he used 

[Darwins Selection]

I have it on good authority that elderly people can be a little eccentric.

[Nick]

It clearly runs in the family 

[Miss Demeanour]

Not me , that's why i moved away 

[Snoopy]

I've encountered Aunts going through the deceased's wardrobe and sharing out the clothes at the "wake" but never nicking the coffin.

[Miss Demeanour]

She is of course the richest of mum's siblings  - they have a villa in Spain , home over here, travel a lot. But why waste money eh when yer mum would have wanted it to be used by one of us 

[Snoopy]

That's how you get to afford a villa in Spain as well as a home in the UK 

[Nick]

My big sis is well off AND careful with money. SHe is making plans for her living arrangements for after her husband dies 

[Snoopy]

Older people do like to get these matters sorted in advance.

[GROWLER]

We've just had a new wheelie bin delivered that I wasn't aware that we needed.

[Nick]

Is it in your size? 

[Snoopy]

Coffins to wheely bins  I can see your point ... P'raps your family plan to recycle you.

[GROWLER]

Is it in your size? 

I'd probably fit in a treat if you sort of jumped up and down on me a bit, yes.

[Just One More]

Ok  - conversations  you  never thought you would have ?

To those that may not be aware when my mother was ill last year she decided to order her own wicker coffin thing off  t’internet.  She measured her height standing up but apparently you need to add an inch or two when lying down !! 

So it wasn’t big enough  . Me and my brothers just bought a new one and the said to the undertaker to keep the old one and use it if you can .

Anyways my aunt phoned me yesterday . An unusual occurrence seeing as I haven’t spoken to her since the funeral. 

Usual customary polite questions then she launches into her purpose. Enquired as to what we did with the coffin that mum bought.  Told her we left  it with the undertaker to do with as he could.  She then asked if I thought he still had it ?

I was getting a bit bemused now and concerned that she was just about to announce her imminent demise.

But apparently she is just planning ahead and as she was an inch or so shorter than mum thought it would be ideal for her and that mum would like it to go to someone in the family 

I told her to ring the undertaker and check if he still had it.

30 minutes later I get a call back. She is delighted  . Yes they still have it and if it is ok with me she is going to go in today and try  it for size.  I was gobsmacked – but yes she is going to get in it and say “ oh yes this is lovely “ kind of thing .

She then said “ Oh I’ll pay you for it of course”  -  I just said make a donation to the hospice I don’t want any money for it .

I rang my brother and confirmed conversation – I cannot repeat the words he used 

As I was reading it, it sounded like the start of some BBC sitcom, it then hit me which one, somewhat ironically, it was "One Foot in the Grave" 

[Nick]

Is it in your size? 

I'd probably fit in a treat if you sort of jumped up and down on me a bit, yes.

What sort of treat?