Hols

[Snoopy]

I know that - by my simple brain says you "contract" something like a cold - something that can be passed through airborne viruses, whereas you would "develop" other conditions, through cell mutations arising from carcinogens. Just being a pedant.

Anyhoooo hopefully my skin will be the same brown colour as my lungs doubtless are after so many years smoking. As a Beagle, thought you'd be a keen smoker yourself :-)

I was 

[Misunderstood]

How can you "CONTRACT" a cold or cancer?

It takes two to form a contract, dunno about you, but I certainly would not agree to either of them. 

Therefore it is "INFLICTED" on me - like taxes and idiots...   

[Snoopy]

How can you "CONTRACT" a cold or cancer?

It takes two to form a contract, dunno about you, but I certainly would not agree to either of them. 

Therefore it is "INFLICTED" on me - like taxes and idiots...   

How sure are you that they are inflicted on you? It may be a case that they are ATTRACTED to you.


Oh and muscles "contract"

The OED offers several definitions including  "Contract = Incur (disease, liability)"

[The Moan Ranger]

It appears the Turkish mossies like the taste of Mrs TMR, but not me. The poor love has about 10 bites on her shoulders and ankles,whereas I have only one.

Ah well, back to the beer...

[blueboy]

So the time of year has come whereby I will be off to sunnier climes for the traditional fortnight of sun, sea and diarrhoea.

As usual I have timed it perfection in that the sun has recently made itself known once more here following the recent monsoon season, so I will doubtless miss what is laughably called "the British Summer". 
Come Friday night, I will be herded through Gatwick South like a sheep going to the abattoir in a place resembling a scene from Dawn of the Dead.  I will be standing, cheek by jowel with various horrors - all coughing, snotting, farting, staring into space and listening to some detritus on the iPod/MP3 thingies. 
When we finally get to the front of the Check-In queue, the uninterested attendant will ask me to put our bags on the weighing device and it is at this point, they can give you their sanctimonious stare when they proudly declare that you have exceeded the 15kg limit per person.  Now, I ask you - 15kgs! The weight of my PG Tips tea bags, Fray Bentos meat pies and Suntan lotion probably comes to about that, before we even start considering my Speedos, sandals and white socks.  But that's the limit, because some chinless wonder further up the scale thinks that reducing the weight may save a few trees.  Well excuse me, but that is bollo*.  If I were to turn around in the queue I will doubtless see all manner of human dustbins, sweating profusely and each weighing the same as a small terraced house. 
How about having a maximum weight limit for the people flying?! Surely that's fairer - say 100kg for passenger and luggage combined?  Think of the benefits - the anorexic models can take bags and bags of Chanel, Dior, Karen Millen & George gear and still be OK.  The porkers? Well, you guessed it, they won't be able to fly unless  nearly naked and carrying no more than a toothbrush and deodorant.  Many will simply not be able to fly, so the airport will be a lot quieter.  The holiday trade in the UK will boom as the heifers re-acquaint themselves with the Kiss-Me-Quick hat, radiation contaminated shellfish and shifty B&B owners.  After a few years of that, they may even decide to get healthy - the benefits for the nation are endless.  And all the while, I will be sunning my ar$e laughing at them. . .
I think I could be on to something here?

The weight limit is probably there to protect the thieving scum that hurl your bag onto the ?plane.  Heaven forbid they should put their backs out while attempting to steal anything valuable from your case.

Having said that, I?m in agreement with you ? in ?normal? life you can taker measures to avoid the obese but air travel forces you together.  There is nothing worse than having one next to you taking a seat-and-a-half except perhaps having a human weeble sitting or perhaps lying is a better description on the seat in front.  Not only do you spend the journey in fear of the seat collapsing on you but the double horror of imagining the chaos caused by lardy in the event of an emergency evacuation (of the ?plane).

No, lards should be charged excess baggage plus a supplemental charge for a reinforced seat complete with double-size tray for their super-meal and multiple bottles of free booze. 
 

Funny that I just flew with Ryanair which I thout was a good cheep flight until like you I got to the check in then found out that I had to pay ?10 each way for the privliage of having a case then I was over wait by 4kgs so another ?20 but the funny thing is I could carry 10kgs as hand luggage so you try to keep hand luggage to a minimum s oyou dont have much in the cabin and you are penilised for doing so you cant win can you?

[Nick]

You are endangering my stock of full stops. We may have to outsource!

[Nick]

Funny that. I just flew with Ryanair, which I thought was a good cheap flight until, like you, I got to the check in and found out that I had to pay ?10 each way for the privilege of having a case that was over weight by 4kgs, so another ?20. But the funny thing is I could carry 10kgs as hand luggage, so you try to keep hand luggage to a minimum so you don't have much in the cabin and then you are penalised for doing [sic] so. You can't win, can you?

There. I have done my best. My bill is in the post.

[The Moan Ranger]

Welcome blueboy - and you are right about the hand luggage. We were "overweight" on the way out and were told we would be charged if the cases weren't lighter homeward. In the spirit of being an argumentative bastard, I asked the uninteredted check-in girl what whe suggested. Her response was "throw some stuff out". I asked if I could stick the 4kgs worth in the hand luggage and she said "yeah, that's fine". I then asked how this juggling would save overall weight on the plane and thus fuel needed. She looked at me like a whipped dog.

Now I must go as the bar is calling and too many green and white hoops are hurting my eyes.

[Barman]

Funny that. I just flew with Ryanair, which I thought was a good cheap flight until, like you, I got to the check in and found out that I had to pay ?10 each way for the privilege of having a case that was over weight by 4kgs, so another ?20. But the funny thing is I could carry 10kgs as hand luggage, so you try to keep hand luggage to a minimum so you don't have much in the cabin and then you are penalised for doing [sic] so. You can't win, can you?

There. I have done my best. My bill is in the post.

As is Blueboy's cheque! 

[Barman]

I asked if I could stick the 4kgs worth up her arse and she said "yeah, that's fine".

That's my boy! 

[The Moan Ranger]

The problem will be worse as we have now bought "stuff" that will add to the overall weight. I shall force Mrs TMR to wear it all on the way back - she will look like the Michelin man, but we should escape any insidious charges.

[Nick]

Unless they weigh her and treat her as a baggage, sorry, as baggage.

[The Moan Ranger]

Mr Nick, Mrs TMR is not amused with that comment as I would remind you that threw the Javelin for Berkshire. She is a tenacious woman and may well track you down and impale you atop a very long spear. I believe she is related to the good King Vlad.

[Snoopy]

Mr Nick, Mrs TMR is not amused with that comment as I would remind you that threw the Javelin for Berkshire. She is a tenacious woman and may well track you down and impale you atop a very long spear. I believe she is related to the good King Vlad.

I'm getting bad mental images here

[Nick]

Set her on to Snoopy 

Mrs Nick got the full security treatment at Toronto last night cos she kept setting off the beepy thingy. They were running some hand held beepy thingy up and down her for ages. In the end they concluded it was the rivets in her trousers